The last time I posted my daughter was seven months old. In less than three weeks she will be TWO. That's 711 days. Where did time go? I find myself saying that a lot lately. In regards to a lot of things. I don't have time to make any of the doctor's appointments that I need, which total between 3-4, depending on if its time for my eye check. I don't have time to remember to check if I need to see them yet. I probably don't have time to revive this blog...
This post is not about missing time, oddly enough. I actually don't have a topic for this post except that something has been nagging at me to revive my blog. Part of me thinks its because I have been bookmarking and reading a lot of adoption blogs lately. I really like reading blogs and learning about other people's experiences and opinions. I feel encouraged and enlightened and a little less alone when I read about other people's adoption stories. I like to think that people reading my blog might feel the same way. That maybe something I said comforted someone, letting them know they're normal and also not alone. I truly hope that some of my posts will be seen by mothers-in-wait, whose hearts are broken and adoption hopes are floundering, and they just don't know what's next or how to get there. I hope that they will be comforted by the fact that someone else has walked in their very shoes; been there, done that sister.
I've also been thinking about using my blog to update about Stella. I write to her in a journal that I hope to give her someday but I think I would like to write about her here. I have hardly a thing from my own childhood. (I do have my memories. I remember jumping off a trunk in my Meme's living room, truly believing I could fly off of it if I just jumped one more time...) I love history and reading other people's stories and I would love for Stella to have this available to her if she's into it too.
So I guess the topic of my post is that I'm reviving my blog and I'll write about whatever I want!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Friday, May 31, 2013
May. Seven Months.
I follow a few adoption blogs and I'm always super excited when there is an update and then I'm all let down when there isn't. Is that how you guys feel about this blog?! Hehe.
Stella is amazing.
She loves anything that is not a baby toy like water bottles, boxes, dog bowls.
She is inquisitive. I love watching her furrow her perfect little eyebrows when she finds something new to investigate.
She fake cries. It's kind of funny. Kind of.
She went in the pool for the first time and loves it! It was so cute watching her in the pool floaty.
She took her very first step yesterday. She should be running in no time. Good thing we've been doing cardio. Every milestone is so exciting.
She mimics us which is really neat. We will hum or make mouth noises and she does it back and thinks its hilarious.
One of the things that is so dear to me is when I go to her in the morning. She's usually standing at the edge of her crib with her pacifier, peeking out, waiting with her sleep-puffy face. When I come in she looks at me and smiles and my heart just melts. I want to squeeze her. And then I do. And its awesome.
We do have an adoption specific update...we're finalizing June 20!! Our social worker came by last week to write her final report. In this report we are asked if we want anything specific written about Stella or our new lives for the file where it is recorded and saved forever. I wanted to really throw myself into something spectacular but Nick wanted to freestyle something. So I didn't plan anything. Which makes what we said all the more genuine and beautiful.
Stella is more blessing than we ever could have even imagined praying for. She is living, breathing, touchable, real proof that God's plan is so, so, so much better than ours could ever be.
Stella is amazing.
She loves anything that is not a baby toy like water bottles, boxes, dog bowls.
She is inquisitive. I love watching her furrow her perfect little eyebrows when she finds something new to investigate.
She fake cries. It's kind of funny. Kind of.
She went in the pool for the first time and loves it! It was so cute watching her in the pool floaty.
She took her very first step yesterday. She should be running in no time. Good thing we've been doing cardio. Every milestone is so exciting.
She mimics us which is really neat. We will hum or make mouth noises and she does it back and thinks its hilarious.
One of the things that is so dear to me is when I go to her in the morning. She's usually standing at the edge of her crib with her pacifier, peeking out, waiting with her sleep-puffy face. When I come in she looks at me and smiles and my heart just melts. I want to squeeze her. And then I do. And its awesome.
We do have an adoption specific update...we're finalizing June 20!! Our social worker came by last week to write her final report. In this report we are asked if we want anything specific written about Stella or our new lives for the file where it is recorded and saved forever. I wanted to really throw myself into something spectacular but Nick wanted to freestyle something. So I didn't plan anything. Which makes what we said all the more genuine and beautiful.
Stella is more blessing than we ever could have even imagined praying for. She is living, breathing, touchable, real proof that God's plan is so, so, so much better than ours could ever be.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
April. Six Months.
There's a baby in my bed and she's 6 months old. Can you even believe how good God is?!
I remember a particularly difficult growth opportunity before Stella came home. I don't remember if I described it here but for some reason it is on my heart right now.
I was informed one day by our social worker that before we could proceed and get into the match book I would need to attend therapy for reasons outside my control. I was unhappy. I was bitter. I was struggling. For some reason I was mad at the messenger. Our social worker was just relaying requirements to us. I put off even finding someone to see. I held on to it for what felt like a long time. Until one day I was driving home from work and God decided - that's enough kiddo. I had on Audrey Assad's song "Sparrow" and I was belting it out when something started happening. I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring inside me, my heart was beating wildly, I was getting choked up and then these verses trickled out of my car:
Why should I be troubled
When His tender word I hear
No, I'll rest on His goodness
In my doubt and in my fear
I. Lost. It. I lost it so much that I had to pull over and sob hysterically until I could compose myself enough to drive the rest of the way home *just* crying, into the driveway and into the house where I confessed to Nick all of the horrible feelings I had been having. I was weightless afterwards. I got on God's plan again and found a great therapist. I saw her alone and with Nick and I started to look forward to seeing her. I even started to feel comfortable in my baby-less-ness. I was able to accept that I didn't have a baby right when I wanted one and enjoy being a family of two. You know that saying Let Go and Let God...I felt so free.
I feel like God needs you to suffer through some really tough things in order for you to be able to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings He is going to pour into your life. God is constantly working on me. Whether I am discovering things the very hard way or I am seeing God's lessons play out right in front of me.
Last night I was rocking this little angel. She was long passed out but I kept on and I started to pray. I found myself thanking God for the struggles He pushed me through and for not giving up on a broken little kid who needs and loves Him.
I remember a particularly difficult growth opportunity before Stella came home. I don't remember if I described it here but for some reason it is on my heart right now.
I was informed one day by our social worker that before we could proceed and get into the match book I would need to attend therapy for reasons outside my control. I was unhappy. I was bitter. I was struggling. For some reason I was mad at the messenger. Our social worker was just relaying requirements to us. I put off even finding someone to see. I held on to it for what felt like a long time. Until one day I was driving home from work and God decided - that's enough kiddo. I had on Audrey Assad's song "Sparrow" and I was belting it out when something started happening. I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring inside me, my heart was beating wildly, I was getting choked up and then these verses trickled out of my car:
Why should I be troubled
When His tender word I hear
No, I'll rest on His goodness
In my doubt and in my fear
I. Lost. It. I lost it so much that I had to pull over and sob hysterically until I could compose myself enough to drive the rest of the way home *just* crying, into the driveway and into the house where I confessed to Nick all of the horrible feelings I had been having. I was weightless afterwards. I got on God's plan again and found a great therapist. I saw her alone and with Nick and I started to look forward to seeing her. I even started to feel comfortable in my baby-less-ness. I was able to accept that I didn't have a baby right when I wanted one and enjoy being a family of two. You know that saying Let Go and Let God...I felt so free.
I feel like God needs you to suffer through some really tough things in order for you to be able to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings He is going to pour into your life. God is constantly working on me. Whether I am discovering things the very hard way or I am seeing God's lessons play out right in front of me.
Last night I was rocking this little angel. She was long passed out but I kept on and I started to pray. I found myself thanking God for the struggles He pushed me through and for not giving up on a broken little kid who needs and loves Him.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Update
The last time I posted was in the same month that Stella was born! So I'm a bad blogger now. I'm okay with that.
We had Thanksgiving where Stella poopied on Great Gramma's couch. Oops.
We had Christmas where Stella was spoiled rotten and caught her first cold.
We had Stella's Great Meme and Great Auntie come all the way from Oklahoma just to see her. Okay, they kind of wanted to see us too...I'm sure...
We had New Years Eve where Stella was the belle of the ball with her, "this is my little black dress" onesie, black glitter pants, and sparkle glitter shoes.
We had Mama going back to work. I cried for a few days prior to leaving her and on the day of I felt really peaceful which is what I had been praying about.
Stella is growing so quickly and hitting all her milestones and much more. She started rolling over officially a couple of weeks ago. Last Wednesday we saw her "scoot" on her belly. She wanted a toy that was a little too far away and she heaved herself towards it and got it! She does that consistently now and it is SO cool to see! Who knew that I would be so thrilled by a scoot! Full on crawling is not too far away, I just know it! We have been tickling Stella and getting some response for a while now but last night I tickled her and she full on giggled! Like the giggles you see of babies on YouTube. Big stimulus, big response. It was spectacular! HAHA, you would have thought she shot a bow and arrow. Nicholas slightly burned the steaks because we were so fascinated!
We met with Stella's birthmother. We are both SO glad that we have a relationship with her. It is so important to have that connection to where Stella came from.
We also had our child dedication class and our date for having Stella dedicated is MOTHERS DAY! I was already prepared for being an emotional mess that day but THIS IS NEXT LEVEL. Ah, waiting for almost four years to become a mother and my very first Mother's Day I'm going to have my very own baby dedicated?! I'm sure to be a blubbering disaster.
We met with our social worker today and she had nothing but awesome things to say. There is a little "test" that she did where she held Stella while Nicholas and I were in the room. If Stella is properly bonding and attaching to us she will look at the social worker, break eye contact, and then search for us. She is looking for us to see if this person is okay. She trusts us and wants to see how we are reacting to the situation. She would look at our social worker, giggle and be adorable, and then immediately break contact and look for me or Nicholas. She also did it while she was in her exersaucer. It was so heartwarming to know that we're all just attaching and bonding and bonding and attaching!
As far as the adoption process goes we are just waiting for Pinal County to send our fingerprints to Maricopa County. After that happens our date for finalization will be set. I hardly ever think about it. We don't need the courts to tell us she's ours!
We had Thanksgiving where Stella poopied on Great Gramma's couch. Oops.
We had Christmas where Stella was spoiled rotten and caught her first cold.
We had Stella's Great Meme and Great Auntie come all the way from Oklahoma just to see her. Okay, they kind of wanted to see us too...I'm sure...
We had New Years Eve where Stella was the belle of the ball with her, "this is my little black dress" onesie, black glitter pants, and sparkle glitter shoes.
We had Mama going back to work. I cried for a few days prior to leaving her and on the day of I felt really peaceful which is what I had been praying about.
Stella is growing so quickly and hitting all her milestones and much more. She started rolling over officially a couple of weeks ago. Last Wednesday we saw her "scoot" on her belly. She wanted a toy that was a little too far away and she heaved herself towards it and got it! She does that consistently now and it is SO cool to see! Who knew that I would be so thrilled by a scoot! Full on crawling is not too far away, I just know it! We have been tickling Stella and getting some response for a while now but last night I tickled her and she full on giggled! Like the giggles you see of babies on YouTube. Big stimulus, big response. It was spectacular! HAHA, you would have thought she shot a bow and arrow. Nicholas slightly burned the steaks because we were so fascinated!
We met with Stella's birthmother. We are both SO glad that we have a relationship with her. It is so important to have that connection to where Stella came from.
We also had our child dedication class and our date for having Stella dedicated is MOTHERS DAY! I was already prepared for being an emotional mess that day but THIS IS NEXT LEVEL. Ah, waiting for almost four years to become a mother and my very first Mother's Day I'm going to have my very own baby dedicated?! I'm sure to be a blubbering disaster.
We met with our social worker today and she had nothing but awesome things to say. There is a little "test" that she did where she held Stella while Nicholas and I were in the room. If Stella is properly bonding and attaching to us she will look at the social worker, break eye contact, and then search for us. She is looking for us to see if this person is okay. She trusts us and wants to see how we are reacting to the situation. She would look at our social worker, giggle and be adorable, and then immediately break contact and look for me or Nicholas. She also did it while she was in her exersaucer. It was so heartwarming to know that we're all just attaching and bonding and bonding and attaching!
As far as the adoption process goes we are just waiting for Pinal County to send our fingerprints to Maricopa County. After that happens our date for finalization will be set. I hardly ever think about it. We don't need the courts to tell us she's ours!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Empty words = full heart
Brief overview of the past 22 days:
On Monday it was our turn to sign papers at the agency. Which meant I had to trudge on down to the bank and empty our 'Baby B' savings account. You know, the one that YOU helped build. Ah it got me so emotional. Have you ever wondered how much your friends are putting away for their kids college fund? Or what percentage they put into their savings account each month? Perhaps those things are on my mind because a lot of you have sacrificed those things for us. Its not just monetary either. You laid down at night and actually remembered to pray before you fell asleep and you spoke to God about us. You might have prayed for me to get pregnant or you prayed for Nick to be able to support my emotional needs or you prayed that we would continue to be faithful and not become bitter. Or you prayed for peace in the storm and acceptance of what God was telling us. Or you fasted. Any way you look at it, you sacrificed something for us. I can't even begin to explain what that means to us. Words that have been written in a card might as well be empty because the feeling in my heart cannot be written down. We will never be able to express how grateful we are. We could not have asked to be surrounded by a more faithful, loving, group of people than those that God has hand picked to be in our book. God has used you to create a family and answer our most genuine, painful, faith-trying prayers. If you ever find yourself wondering what you've done for the Kingdom I hope that you remember this one time God asked you to step out in faith and be used by Him to change lives. In my book you get a "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Stella is pretty much awesome and we are growing to love her more and more each day. She makes all of these facial expressions, smiles a lot and even giggled the other day. I think she likes music. She does this little whimper thing when she eats and she's starting to make this other little noise that I can only explain as her trying to hear her voice. Its all so darling!
Not saying everything she does is fantastic. Our lack of sleep is not fantastic.
On Monday it was our turn to sign papers at the agency. Which meant I had to trudge on down to the bank and empty our 'Baby B' savings account. You know, the one that YOU helped build. Ah it got me so emotional. Have you ever wondered how much your friends are putting away for their kids college fund? Or what percentage they put into their savings account each month? Perhaps those things are on my mind because a lot of you have sacrificed those things for us. Its not just monetary either. You laid down at night and actually remembered to pray before you fell asleep and you spoke to God about us. You might have prayed for me to get pregnant or you prayed for Nick to be able to support my emotional needs or you prayed that we would continue to be faithful and not become bitter. Or you prayed for peace in the storm and acceptance of what God was telling us. Or you fasted. Any way you look at it, you sacrificed something for us. I can't even begin to explain what that means to us. Words that have been written in a card might as well be empty because the feeling in my heart cannot be written down. We will never be able to express how grateful we are. We could not have asked to be surrounded by a more faithful, loving, group of people than those that God has hand picked to be in our book. God has used you to create a family and answer our most genuine, painful, faith-trying prayers. If you ever find yourself wondering what you've done for the Kingdom I hope that you remember this one time God asked you to step out in faith and be used by Him to change lives. In my book you get a "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Adoption Update
I wanted to give y'all a quick update on what's been going on with the adoption!
We have met twice with the birthmother and once with the birthfather.
Her doctor had her on bed rest because she thought she was going to be early. Since we thought the baby was going to be here already, our friends and family threw us a Welcome Home party which turned into more of a baby themed party. It was awesome!
We fixed up her room, it's so pretty! We painted and assembled furniture...okay Nick mostly painted and assembled furniture. I helped move it in the room and wiped it off. I am not so handy and he really is so it works out.
So we've met the birth mother and father. Had her party, to which she no-showed (DI-VAAAH) Prepared her adorable room with purples and dark wood. All we need is...
Today is Stella's official due date and according to my cell phone log she is not here yet! Thinking that she would be here already and not having her here has been difficult for me. Every time my phone lights up or makes a noise I think, "this is it!". It is not it. I think about her almost every waking minute. And almost every sleeping minute. I am not God so I don't know when she will be here. I wish I did. I hate not knowing. All I do know is that she will be here when God delivers her; regardless of what the doctor says, or what the calendar says, or what I say! I do know that this...this right here...this wait...this is in God's wonderful plan and I don't need to fret about it.
We are very anxious to meet her and just waiting for the call and we know everyone else is waiting for our call. We are so appreciative of everyone's support and we love the excitement and will gladly fuel that fire with more information as soon as we have news to pass on! As of right now, we don't have any pertinent news to share but when we do it will be that we have a baby! So look out for our text, call or Facebook updates!
Here's to hoping the next post includes pictures of the five of us! (Lola and Faye...hello!!)
We have met twice with the birthmother and once with the birthfather.
Her doctor had her on bed rest because she thought she was going to be early. Since we thought the baby was going to be here already, our friends and family threw us a Welcome Home party which turned into more of a baby themed party. It was awesome!
We fixed up her room, it's so pretty! We painted and assembled furniture...okay Nick mostly painted and assembled furniture. I helped move it in the room and wiped it off. I am not so handy and he really is so it works out.
So we've met the birth mother and father. Had her party, to which she no-showed (DI-VAAAH) Prepared her adorable room with purples and dark wood. All we need is...
A BABY!
Today is Stella's official due date and according to my cell phone log she is not here yet! Thinking that she would be here already and not having her here has been difficult for me. Every time my phone lights up or makes a noise I think, "this is it!". It is not it. I think about her almost every waking minute. And almost every sleeping minute. I am not God so I don't know when she will be here. I wish I did. I hate not knowing. All I do know is that she will be here when God delivers her; regardless of what the doctor says, or what the calendar says, or what I say! I do know that this...this right here...this wait...this is in God's wonderful plan and I don't need to fret about it.
We are very anxious to meet her and just waiting for the call and we know everyone else is waiting for our call. We are so appreciative of everyone's support and we love the excitement and will gladly fuel that fire with more information as soon as we have news to pass on! As of right now, we don't have any pertinent news to share but when we do it will be that we have a baby! So look out for our text, call or Facebook updates!
Here's to hoping the next post includes pictures of the five of us! (Lola and Faye...hello!!)
Friday, September 7, 2012
There You Are
God is good, He is so, so good.
I want to cherish the memories I have of these past several days.
I want to hold them deep in my heart.
I want to let my soul dance with them.
We have been chosen to receive a beautiful gift from God; a daughter, debuting very soon!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Precious stuff
I opened the door and there it was. The big box we registered for was finally here! Nick dragged it in and ripped it open and my eyes danced delightfully as it was assembled! That was three years ago and it was our vacuum cleaner that arrived as a wedding gift.
Fast forward life.
I opened the door and there it was. The big box we bought online (after much research through our book, online, personal Mom experiences, and visiting several stores). I dragged it over the threshold, into our home, into our lives - sounds so dramatic! The second I got it in the house I paused and I flashed back to the vacuum and realized...three years ago we were assembling a vacuum cleaner and now? A baby carseat. Whoa, right? From vacuum cleaner to baby car seat in three years?! It was such a strange feeling, strange in a good way, it was a new feeling, and I liked it.
We have been advised by our social worker that we should, at the very least, have a carseat and somewhere for the baby to sleep. This is the "hospital call" scenario. Its pretty much what it sounds like. You get a call that a baby was born that meets your child desired portfolio and if you are interested you should bring said carseat and yourselves to this hospital to pick up the baby.
I go back and forth between being ALL about this scenario and wanting the traditional scenario. Really, it doesn't matter because God's gonna do what He do and that is what will be best for us. He knows what we need in all matters, not just this one, and I totally trust that.
Ready to see our precious stuff?!
Fast forward life.
I opened the door and there it was. The big box we bought online (after much research through our book, online, personal Mom experiences, and visiting several stores). I dragged it over the threshold, into our home, into our lives - sounds so dramatic! The second I got it in the house I paused and I flashed back to the vacuum and realized...three years ago we were assembling a vacuum cleaner and now? A baby carseat. Whoa, right? From vacuum cleaner to baby car seat in three years?! It was such a strange feeling, strange in a good way, it was a new feeling, and I liked it.
We have been advised by our social worker that we should, at the very least, have a carseat and somewhere for the baby to sleep. This is the "hospital call" scenario. Its pretty much what it sounds like. You get a call that a baby was born that meets your child desired portfolio and if you are interested you should bring said carseat and yourselves to this hospital to pick up the baby.
I go back and forth between being ALL about this scenario and wanting the traditional scenario. Really, it doesn't matter because God's gonna do what He do and that is what will be best for us. He knows what we need in all matters, not just this one, and I totally trust that.
Ready to see our precious stuff?!
 |
| Experience the moment with me. And Lola. I literally paused when I got it in the house and went, whoa! |
 |
| The first and last time she will be in here. I had to. Both are so darling I couldn't resist. I am in love with the design of our pack n play! |
 |
| My contribution to building. It's best this way. |
 |
| So blessed to have a handy hubby. He actually read the instructions and put the whole thing together himself while I ooooh'ed and ahhhh'ed at how adorable it all was. |
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Match Book Official!
Like Facebook official but better. Way better.
Our letter is COMPLETE! I can't believe it! A friend of ours stepped in and saved us from making fools of ourselves and graciously assembled our letter for us. She took the few ideas we liked about other match letters and a general color scheme and style and designed away! Using our photos and our words she created something magical that made me burst out in tears when I saw the final result. It is SO good. She is so talented, its like she was channeling me, or us rather, when she worked on it. If you have any spare time at all and want to be truly touched by an amazing artist please head over to her blog, Imaginale Design Blog.
So, thank you so much Ale. You have played a HUGE role in changing our lives and have brought us so much closer with your generosity and your love. And thank you Jose for sacrificing your time with Ale so she could spend time working on our page! You get some props too!
Our social worker saw our letter on Monday, said WOW, in regards to how great it is, and approved it with no changes! We've made all our copies and stapled everything together. We are dropping everything off at the agency next week. I think they distribute our letter pretty quickly and it should be on our agency's website sooner than in the book. Pretty exciting stuff!
I don't know how long it will be before I post again because I don't know how much I'll have to say. I hope its soon that we get a match but I know that I have to trust divine timing. In the meantime I guess I'll be reading up on my Baby Bargains book which has a TON of useful information, thank you Handley's! And I guess we will do a little shopping for a carseat at the very least!
Until next time...
Our letter is COMPLETE! I can't believe it! A friend of ours stepped in and saved us from making fools of ourselves and graciously assembled our letter for us. She took the few ideas we liked about other match letters and a general color scheme and style and designed away! Using our photos and our words she created something magical that made me burst out in tears when I saw the final result. It is SO good. She is so talented, its like she was channeling me, or us rather, when she worked on it. If you have any spare time at all and want to be truly touched by an amazing artist please head over to her blog, Imaginale Design Blog.
So, thank you so much Ale. You have played a HUGE role in changing our lives and have brought us so much closer with your generosity and your love. And thank you Jose for sacrificing your time with Ale so she could spend time working on our page! You get some props too!
Our social worker saw our letter on Monday, said WOW, in regards to how great it is, and approved it with no changes! We've made all our copies and stapled everything together. We are dropping everything off at the agency next week. I think they distribute our letter pretty quickly and it should be on our agency's website sooner than in the book. Pretty exciting stuff!
I don't know how long it will be before I post again because I don't know how much I'll have to say. I hope its soon that we get a match but I know that I have to trust divine timing. In the meantime I guess I'll be reading up on my Baby Bargains book which has a TON of useful information, thank you Handley's! And I guess we will do a little shopping for a carseat at the very least!
Until next time...
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Approved!
"It is ordered that the above named applicants are certified as acceptable to adopt children pursuant to the laws of the State of Arizona."
Our home study was submitted and approved by the courts LIGHTNING fast! We got our official paperwork back from the courts before our social worker even had a chance to call us with the good news! Now that we are approved we can start to apply for grants which is great! We are close to raising our goal amount and hopefully we can get a few grants to help us reach it.
We have been workingdiligently on our match letter since my last post. We actually didn't rush right out and finish it in a few days like the old me would have made us do. Some parts were easy and some parts were really difficult. Oddly enough, we had a hard time writing about each other! God was working in the hearts of our friends, Jose and Ale, though! They asked our closest friends if they would like to help us write about each other by emailing little snippets about us. They composed one email and left it all anonymous. I cried when I read it. Jose, Ale and our anonymous friends, you are the reason we were able to write anything substantial at all! My heart swells with love for you guys! Our letter is now in the hands of a very qualified professional and we are freaking excited to see how it turns out!
When we started this process we knew that there were going to be hard times and that it wasn't going to go fast and smooth. I prayed A LOT for patience and I feel like God delivered me from my rush to do things now and go go go. When something needs to be done, I've already got it done or I'll just do it myself to make it happen. Definitely in some regards, that's still me. But with this process, its been different. I feel like I'm taking this at a slower pace. Perhaps that's good, this is a HUGE life decision after all...
Our home study was submitted and approved by the courts LIGHTNING fast! We got our official paperwork back from the courts before our social worker even had a chance to call us with the good news! Now that we are approved we can start to apply for grants which is great! We are close to raising our goal amount and hopefully we can get a few grants to help us reach it.
We have been working
When we started this process we knew that there were going to be hard times and that it wasn't going to go fast and smooth. I prayed A LOT for patience and I feel like God delivered me from my rush to do things now and go go go. When something needs to be done, I've already got it done or I'll just do it myself to make it happen. Definitely in some regards, that's still me. But with this process, its been different. I feel like I'm taking this at a slower pace. Perhaps that's good, this is a HUGE life decision after all...
Sunday, May 6, 2012
The time has come!
We can officially enter the match book! Which really just means that I tried to do some work on it and got overwhelmed and sort of gave up temporarily. I am so un-artsy, never scrapbooked in my life and am not as Internet savvy as I thought I was. I asked for patience and perseverance and just let it be from there. A huge step for me.
So instead of working on our letter we went shopping! Never have I enjoyed shopping as much as then. Never have I been as overwhelmed as I was then either! We are totally clueless here people!
"Which way does this go?"
"Oh, these are for infants and these are for toddlers...so wait...we have to buy two?"
"Does this car seat fit into this stroller? Cool, it does! How do we get it off the stroller now?"
"Do all car seats come with a matching stroller?"
"So I guess we need to buy another base then?"
"Is this really safe like this? You get in and let me test it."
After a million or so questions (and we only looked at strollers, car seats and pack n plays) Nick declares, "We are totally in parenting mode right now."
Yep, we totally were.
So instead of working on our letter we went shopping! Never have I enjoyed shopping as much as then. Never have I been as overwhelmed as I was then either! We are totally clueless here people!
"Which way does this go?"
"Oh, these are for infants and these are for toddlers...so wait...we have to buy two?"
"Does this car seat fit into this stroller? Cool, it does! How do we get it off the stroller now?"
"Do all car seats come with a matching stroller?"
"So I guess we need to buy another base then?"
"Is this really safe like this? You get in and let me test it."
After a million or so questions (and we only looked at strollers, car seats and pack n plays) Nick declares, "We are totally in parenting mode right now."
Yep, we totally were.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Well, well, well
I feel like I should post on here because I have a blog and if I'm not posting on it there's really no reason to have one. There has been a lot going as you can imagine since my last post about us was like January or something. I'll keep this very brief since adoption wise...there's not a lot to say.
There has been no movement on the adoption. We hit a snag and were delayed and could possibly still be delayed. I was annoyed but I really don't care right now. I'm trying to let go of things that I can't control. Good luck to me!
Well I wish I had more to share but I don't. If I still have any followers....thank you....you are much more patient than I!
There has been no movement on the adoption. We hit a snag and were delayed and could possibly still be delayed. I was annoyed but I really don't care right now. I'm trying to let go of things that I can't control. Good luck to me!
Well I wish I had more to share but I don't. If I still have any followers....thank you....you are much more patient than I!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I CALLED IT!! Its good to be right, this time anyway!
This ones not about me. Okay, okay, it sort of is.
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago...but not that long ago...a little girl with brown hair saw a little girl with blond hair and they fell into...an apartment lease together.
The real story is that I met my other better half a few years ago and it was jovial cynicism at first sight! Fast forward to about a while ago while we were still trying to get pregnant and scratching our heads or whatever we were doing. Mavis, said other better half, jokingly suggested that she carry a baby for us. She was only partially joking because she knew how devastated we were over this, and she had her own fair share of tears shed for us. Heartbreak doesn't just happen to one person when it happens. We didn't feel like this was the plan for us as you can probably tell. But that doesn't mean that Mavis stopped thinking about it. In fact, she thought A LOT about it. She decided that if she wasn't able to help us have a baby in this manner that she was going to help someone have a baby. So she signed up to be a surrogate! And now shes pregnant! With TWINS! And I KNEW IT! Hahahahaha!
Obviously a lot has been left out, some of the story is sad and some of the story is private, but overall I think it's a heartwarming, inspiring story, and I'm so happy to be part of it. I know she would love it if you followed along with her through her blog, so check it out. Define:Mavis
Does a little bit of you maybe think that God works in REALLY mysterious ways? Everyone is always trying to interpret what God meant when He said this, or what He wants us to do in regards to that. I don't have the answers to much really but when Ive been praying about something, and its been put heavy on my heart, and then I do it, and it feels like the best feeling EVER - that's how I know its Gods will. Some days I feel like the tornado is chasing me and I'm far from healed, but when I look back on some of the super dark days of the storm, I can't help but feel like God was using me to affect her, to heal someone else's suffering.
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago...but not that long ago...a little girl with brown hair saw a little girl with blond hair and they fell into...an apartment lease together.
The real story is that I met my other better half a few years ago and it was jovial cynicism at first sight! Fast forward to about a while ago while we were still trying to get pregnant and scratching our heads or whatever we were doing. Mavis, said other better half, jokingly suggested that she carry a baby for us. She was only partially joking because she knew how devastated we were over this, and she had her own fair share of tears shed for us. Heartbreak doesn't just happen to one person when it happens. We didn't feel like this was the plan for us as you can probably tell. But that doesn't mean that Mavis stopped thinking about it. In fact, she thought A LOT about it. She decided that if she wasn't able to help us have a baby in this manner that she was going to help someone have a baby. So she signed up to be a surrogate! And now shes pregnant! With TWINS! And I KNEW IT! Hahahahaha!
Obviously a lot has been left out, some of the story is sad and some of the story is private, but overall I think it's a heartwarming, inspiring story, and I'm so happy to be part of it. I know she would love it if you followed along with her through her blog, so check it out. Define:Mavis
Does a little bit of you maybe think that God works in REALLY mysterious ways? Everyone is always trying to interpret what God meant when He said this, or what He wants us to do in regards to that. I don't have the answers to much really but when Ive been praying about something, and its been put heavy on my heart, and then I do it, and it feels like the best feeling EVER - that's how I know its Gods will. Some days I feel like the tornado is chasing me and I'm far from healed, but when I look back on some of the super dark days of the storm, I can't help but feel like God was using me to affect her, to heal someone else's suffering.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Individuality
We had our individual meetings with our social worker this week. I'd like to say that I breezed through it with a slam dunk at the end but that's more Nick's style than mine. We had been driving and flying all day and I had motion sickness from all of it. And I had lady issues. I felt like barf, like I was going to barf and probably smelled like recycled airplane barf air. Ew.
Nick went first and I tried my darndest to hear what was going on in there but no such luck. I flipped through the match book that I found in the waiting room. You see, we meet at a pregnancy crisis center. Sort of ironic (read:cruel) to make couples who haven't been able to conceive meet at a place where pregnancy is considered a crisis? I think yes.
Me next! Me next! The first few questions were about my family and how I grew up, so I knew the answers to those ones! There were a few questions about daycare, staying home from work, discipline, marriage, stress and anger, and managing that. She asked a question that I have personally reworked to be, "Why do you think Nick is so awesome?" to which I replied...with tears. Naturally. My verbal response was that he's a gentleman. The written word really does no justice to how great that word is to describe him. Perhaps that's why I felt tears were necessary? Anyhow, I see friends and I hear of other spouses or boyfriends and it makes me feel sad that some women are willing to short change themselves of a man they truly deserve. Don't get me wrong, we do combat occasionally and not just to keep up on our mad MCMAPin' skills.
Another question that got me going was when she asked how I was dealing with the infertility. I know that not conceiving after one year medically considers you infertile but I sort of think that's bullhonkey especially since nothing is medically stopping us from having a biological child. Our not getting pregnant is not about medicine or our personal biology. Its about God having a different plan for us. I explained through tears of joy that I was, of course, sad about the whole situation but that it was so great because we can honestly say that we've heard Gods will and we've followed through with what He's told us. She reassured me that I may never feel completely whole in regards to the issue of not experiencing a pregnancy and that, that was okay.
Directly after this question she hit me with, "How do you know right now is the right time for adoption?" I'm fairly certain tears were squirting OUT OF MY HEAD when I responded with a smile that "it just feels so good". Cuz y'all, it does. The world with all its ugliness can really get a person down, especially a person that's as sensitive as I am. But when I think about how incredible it is going to be when Nick and I bring our baby home...it makes me feel like, just for that second, there's no evil in the world.
After the individual meetings we all met together and discussed our next meeting and the match book. Man, I remember describing what the match book was...now we are actually talking about going into the match book! Our social worker described the "good" ones and the not so good ones. She gave us a little insight on what birth mothers are looking for. She told us to run a few drafts past our friends and ask them...if they'd give us their baby...no no no that's not what she said...if our letter looks like who we really are. Help us to just be ourselves and not some made up, keeping up with the Joneses, cookie cutters.
We have another meeting coming up which I'm told is the meeting that we will discuss all the wonderful things our references said about us! And by wonderful things I mean all the crap you guys talked about us! So go ahead and fess up now! Hah just kidding! I know everything said was out of love and honesty and you cannot fault that.
I wanted to include a little note on the financial situation. We have been so blessed. While we are still a ways away from having the full amount, we are inching excitedly in the right direction. There have been a few families that have stepped out in faith and have changed our lives not only in regards to the adoption. Every single dollar matters so please don't feel like your donation is too small or that it won't make a difference. You could be the dollar that brings a child into our lives. If you don't feel comfortable donating or just aren't able to make it happen please pray for us. Please be praying that our birth mother is out there right now taking care of herself. Please be praying that we would reach our financial goal. Please be praying that we would continue to be still and hear Gods will for us.
Nick went first and I tried my darndest to hear what was going on in there but no such luck. I flipped through the match book that I found in the waiting room. You see, we meet at a pregnancy crisis center. Sort of ironic (read:cruel) to make couples who haven't been able to conceive meet at a place where pregnancy is considered a crisis? I think yes.
Me next! Me next! The first few questions were about my family and how I grew up, so I knew the answers to those ones! There were a few questions about daycare, staying home from work, discipline, marriage, stress and anger, and managing that. She asked a question that I have personally reworked to be, "Why do you think Nick is so awesome?" to which I replied...with tears. Naturally. My verbal response was that he's a gentleman. The written word really does no justice to how great that word is to describe him. Perhaps that's why I felt tears were necessary? Anyhow, I see friends and I hear of other spouses or boyfriends and it makes me feel sad that some women are willing to short change themselves of a man they truly deserve. Don't get me wrong, we do combat occasionally and not just to keep up on our mad MCMAPin' skills.
Another question that got me going was when she asked how I was dealing with the infertility. I know that not conceiving after one year medically considers you infertile but I sort of think that's bullhonkey especially since nothing is medically stopping us from having a biological child. Our not getting pregnant is not about medicine or our personal biology. Its about God having a different plan for us. I explained through tears of joy that I was, of course, sad about the whole situation but that it was so great because we can honestly say that we've heard Gods will and we've followed through with what He's told us. She reassured me that I may never feel completely whole in regards to the issue of not experiencing a pregnancy and that, that was okay.
Directly after this question she hit me with, "How do you know right now is the right time for adoption?" I'm fairly certain tears were squirting OUT OF MY HEAD when I responded with a smile that "it just feels so good". Cuz y'all, it does. The world with all its ugliness can really get a person down, especially a person that's as sensitive as I am. But when I think about how incredible it is going to be when Nick and I bring our baby home...it makes me feel like, just for that second, there's no evil in the world.
After the individual meetings we all met together and discussed our next meeting and the match book. Man, I remember describing what the match book was...now we are actually talking about going into the match book! Our social worker described the "good" ones and the not so good ones. She gave us a little insight on what birth mothers are looking for. She told us to run a few drafts past our friends and ask them...if they'd give us their baby...no no no that's not what she said...if our letter looks like who we really are. Help us to just be ourselves and not some made up, keeping up with the Joneses, cookie cutters.
We have another meeting coming up which I'm told is the meeting that we will discuss all the wonderful things our references said about us! And by wonderful things I mean all the crap you guys talked about us! So go ahead and fess up now! Hah just kidding! I know everything said was out of love and honesty and you cannot fault that.
I wanted to include a little note on the financial situation. We have been so blessed. While we are still a ways away from having the full amount, we are inching excitedly in the right direction. There have been a few families that have stepped out in faith and have changed our lives not only in regards to the adoption. Every single dollar matters so please don't feel like your donation is too small or that it won't make a difference. You could be the dollar that brings a child into our lives. If you don't feel comfortable donating or just aren't able to make it happen please pray for us. Please be praying that our birth mother is out there right now taking care of herself. Please be praying that we would reach our financial goal. Please be praying that we would continue to be still and hear Gods will for us.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Where have I been...
Apparently I forgot I had blog. Oops. Sorry dear followers/stalkers!
Home study - We had our social worker over to the casa a bit ago. I won't say how long because that would define how long I've been away from posting. The actual home viewing was much less intrusive than I suspected it would be. She looked at all the rooms, noted our flooring and saw the backyard. She likes the paint in the kitchen. (Me too! So fun!) The End. So simple. We also did a little genealogy exercise. We drew our family tree out to our grandparents and all our aunts and uncles and cousins and all them. Then we talked a bit about those relationships. Not the funnest thing but not the worst. Our next meeting is very soon. Of course I am nervous about it. It's solo. EEK.
Uh hmmm. What else...turns out y'all haven't missed much adoption wise. We wait a lot. I'm actually not disturbed by this, which is so un-me. Gosh I wish I had more information and/or thoughts/feelings/emotions/SOMETHING to convey to you guys but I'm just so blank right now.
Okey doke! Well I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule so as to not let you all down!
Home study - We had our social worker over to the casa a bit ago. I won't say how long because that would define how long I've been away from posting. The actual home viewing was much less intrusive than I suspected it would be. She looked at all the rooms, noted our flooring and saw the backyard. She likes the paint in the kitchen. (Me too! So fun!) The End. So simple. We also did a little genealogy exercise. We drew our family tree out to our grandparents and all our aunts and uncles and cousins and all them. Then we talked a bit about those relationships. Not the funnest thing but not the worst. Our next meeting is very soon. Of course I am nervous about it. It's solo. EEK.
Uh hmmm. What else...turns out y'all haven't missed much adoption wise. We wait a lot. I'm actually not disturbed by this, which is so un-me. Gosh I wish I had more information and/or thoughts/feelings/emotions/SOMETHING to convey to you guys but I'm just so blank right now.
Okey doke! Well I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule so as to not let you all down!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Class 7 & Home Study Part 1
It's over! It's over, over, over! I feel so relieved. Looking back, I'm 50/50 on the classes. Some were worthless and just plain annoying to me but some were actually informative and I'm glad to have been there.
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Class 6 - The Covenant and The Superhero
This class we learned about covenants and boundaries. We liked it.
A covenant is like a contract but instead of being bound by the strong arm of the law you're bound by your heart and your word. Much more serious. Here are a few things we learned about covenants that God has made with us:
Edenic - God promised Adam life and blessings, just don't eat from the tree. Hmmm...
Adamic - He did it anyway. God promised pain at childbirth for women and backbreaking work for men.
Noahic - God wont destroy the Earth through flood again.
Moseic - God says to obey His commandments and He will bless us.
New Covenant - Enter Jesus. God loved us so much but He knew that we would still be silly little humans so He sends Jesus. Can I get an Amen?
We make this covenant with mainly the BM but it could be the BF, the BGma or BGpa. In this case the covenant is setting up general boundaries and promises in regards to the child. It would go something like this:
We will meet with you such and such amount of times a year. So and so can or cannot be present at the meetings. We will send pictures at major events. You will notify us if you receive medical information that we need to know. We will notify you if the child has a serious illness, etc. It can include phone call times and amounts, email amounts, gift dollar amounts and times to send gifts. It can be as general or specific as you like but the most important part is that all parties are willing to follow through with the terms placed in the covenant.
Good stuff. Good class. Our first meeting for our home study is in less than a week. We have one more class. (Can I get another Amen...jk!)
In other news...I think Nick is a superhero. I have been sickly but feeling mostly better now. The only thing is this nightly cough. In my sleep the cough creeps in and wakes me up and I can't stop it. Several times a night. I have been late for work and dragging you know what all day. Then I get home and can't sleep. Pair my coughing and extremely heavy breathing (so he says) together and you get me wondering how the heck he pops out of bed at 445am and darts off to work moments later. Superhero, that's how.
A covenant is like a contract but instead of being bound by the strong arm of the law you're bound by your heart and your word. Much more serious. Here are a few things we learned about covenants that God has made with us:
Edenic - God promised Adam life and blessings, just don't eat from the tree. Hmmm...
Adamic - He did it anyway. God promised pain at childbirth for women and backbreaking work for men.
Noahic - God wont destroy the Earth through flood again.
Moseic - God says to obey His commandments and He will bless us.
New Covenant - Enter Jesus. God loved us so much but He knew that we would still be silly little humans so He sends Jesus. Can I get an Amen?
We make this covenant with mainly the BM but it could be the BF, the BGma or BGpa. In this case the covenant is setting up general boundaries and promises in regards to the child. It would go something like this:
We will meet with you such and such amount of times a year. So and so can or cannot be present at the meetings. We will send pictures at major events. You will notify us if you receive medical information that we need to know. We will notify you if the child has a serious illness, etc. It can include phone call times and amounts, email amounts, gift dollar amounts and times to send gifts. It can be as general or specific as you like but the most important part is that all parties are willing to follow through with the terms placed in the covenant.
Good stuff. Good class. Our first meeting for our home study is in less than a week. We have one more class. (Can I get another Amen...jk!)
In other news...I think Nick is a superhero. I have been sickly but feeling mostly better now. The only thing is this nightly cough. In my sleep the cough creeps in and wakes me up and I can't stop it. Several times a night. I have been late for work and dragging you know what all day. Then I get home and can't sleep. Pair my coughing and extremely heavy breathing (so he says) together and you get me wondering how the heck he pops out of bed at 445am and darts off to work moments later. Superhero, that's how.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Class 5 (& a question for you, yes you)
Oh yeah! Nick and I actually enjoyed a class! Fifth times a charm I guess. This class was focused on the birthparent experience. Nick had been looking forward to this class since the beginning. The first part of the class consisted of the instructor NOT reading to us directly from our paperwork and more of her talking. Point for them! The last half of the class the agency brought in a couple that had adopted a baby and the birthmother (BM) that had chosen them as the parents. Really neat. True life experience rules in my world.
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Class 4 and more
Just a quick one to keep you all up to date:
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Good Grief
I have been dreading the grief class since they sent us the first paperwork months ago. I am a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of person, so you’ll always know how I’m feeling. And nearly all my feelings are associated with tears. Varying types of happiness and sadness bring tears out. If you are crying, I am crying. I cry because I’m emotional and I really care about whatever the subject is. I cry with good news because I’m overwhelmed with happiness, I cry with bad new because I’m overwhelmed with sadness. If you donate to help us bring Baby B home, I will cry big ol’ fat crocodile tears. If you prayed over us to get pregnant, I was cryin'! It’s how you know I’m a real person. And I'm okay with it. Except I hate crying in front of other people. I think it makes them uncomfortable and in turn I am uncomfortable in my happiness or sadness. Perhaps y'all should start crying when I do… ;)
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)