Individuality

We had our individual meetings with our social worker this week. I'd like to say that I breezed through it with a slam dunk at the end but that's more Nick's style than mine. We had been driving and flying all day and I had motion sickness from all of it. And I had lady issues. I felt like barf, like I was going to barf and probably smelled like recycled airplane barf air. Ew.

Nick went first and I tried my darndest to hear what was going on in there but no such luck. I flipped through the match book that I found in the waiting room. You see, we meet at a pregnancy crisis center. Sort of ironic (read:cruel) to make couples who haven't been able to conceive meet at a place where pregnancy is considered a crisis? I think yes.

Me next! Me next! The first few questions were about my family and how I grew up, so I knew the answers to those ones! There were a few questions about daycare, staying home from work, discipline, marriage, stress and anger, and managing that. She asked a question that I have personally reworked to be, "Why do you think Nick is so awesome?" to which I replied...with tears. Naturally. My verbal response was that he's a gentleman. The written word really does no justice to how great that word is to describe him. Perhaps that's why I felt tears were necessary? Anyhow, I see friends and I hear of other spouses or boyfriends and it makes me feel sad that some women are willing to short change themselves of a man they truly deserve. Don't get me wrong, we do combat occasionally and not just to keep up on our mad MCMAPin' skills.

Another question that got me going was when she asked how I was dealing with the infertility. I know that not conceiving after one year medically considers you infertile but I sort of think that's bullhonkey especially since nothing is medically stopping us from having a biological child. Our not getting pregnant is not about medicine or our personal biology. Its about God having a different plan for us. I explained through tears of joy that I was, of course, sad about the whole situation but that it was so great because we can honestly say that we've heard Gods will and we've followed through with what He's told us. She reassured me that I may never feel completely whole in regards to the issue of not experiencing a pregnancy and that, that was okay.

Directly after this question she hit me with, "How do you know right now is the right time for adoption?" I'm fairly certain tears were squirting OUT OF MY HEAD when I responded with a smile that "it just feels so good". Cuz y'all, it does. The world with all its ugliness can really get a person down, especially a person that's as sensitive as I am. But when I think about how incredible it is going to be when Nick and I bring our baby home...it makes me feel like, just for that second, there's no evil in the world.

After the individual meetings we all met together and discussed our next meeting and the match book. Man, I remember describing what the match book was...now we are actually talking about going into the match book! Our social worker described the "good" ones and the not so good ones. She gave us a little insight on what birth mothers are looking for. She told us to run a few drafts past our friends and ask them...if they'd give us their baby...no no no that's not what she said...if our letter looks like who we really are. Help us to just be ourselves and not some made up, keeping up with the Joneses, cookie cutters.

We have another meeting coming up which I'm told is the meeting that we will discuss all the wonderful things our references said about us! And by wonderful things I mean all the crap you guys talked about us! So go ahead and fess up now! Hah just kidding! I know everything said was out of love and honesty and you cannot fault that.

I wanted to include a little note on the financial situation. We have been so blessed. While we are still a ways away from having the full amount, we are inching excitedly in the right direction. There have been a few families that have stepped out in faith and have changed our lives not only in regards to the adoption. Every single dollar matters so please don't feel like your donation is too small or that it won't make a difference. You could be the dollar that brings a child into our lives. If you don't feel comfortable donating or just aren't able to make it happen please pray for us. Please be praying that our birth mother is out there right now taking care of herself. Please be praying that we would reach our financial goal. Please be praying that we would continue to be still and hear Gods will for us.

Our first meeting!

I am beyond tired today but I know the peeps demand it! Forgive me if none of this makes sense... Yesterday we met with Summer our social worker. We had a bunch of questions and got them all answered. Summer asked us questions and of course a few set me off and I may have gotten a little teary eyed. I am an emotional creature, what can I say...
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Here is a brief synopsis of the information we now have.
What if the birth family becomes more able to parent the child after the adoption is finalized, can they petition the courts to get the child back?
Nope

How long after the birth does the birth family have to decide to keep the baby?
72+ hours after the birth. Some cases have gone to 2 weeks. (eek!)

How many newborns have you placed in the last year?
38

Are children placed from different states or mostly in your home state? If we travel to another state are those fees covered in our fee to the agency?
Children are placed from your home state. If you do find another birth parent out of state, they can help arrange it but the fees change.

Are we able to make monthly payments?
No. You would assume that people working with a Christian agency would, ya know, pay their bills to the agency...not the case. I don’t even want to imagine what happened in those cases...like if you don’t pay your car payment, they take your car...let your mind wander on that one.

How do you determine how much we will pay?
A portion is predetermined and a portion is based on your income. Although there is a cap on the total fees the agency will accept regardless of income. *to be discussed later on*

What if the birth family chooses us and we go through the entire process and they back out?
No extra fees. You go back in the "match book" awaiting placement.

Who is the typical birth family? Are they Christians?
This surprised me: 26+ women who already have children and cannot provide for another. They are not typically Christian. We hope that through the process we can introduce them to Christ and show them what a functioning family unit really is.

Can you explain open adoption further? Does this mean frequent in person visits? Or just emails and photos?
4 visits a year. This can take place in any form and if necessary can be mediated by the agency.

What is the home study like? How long does it take?
3-6 months. Lots of paperwork. Criminal background, financials, personality tests, educational classes

Can you walk us through the entire process?
Application
Home study ppwk including visits
Education classes
Match book
Wait

How long does the entire process typically take, from sending in our application to baby in our house?
Once we get into the match book it typically takes one year to have an infant in our house. *more on this later*
Can we get a family history? (genetic diseases, parents/ grandparents)
Yes

Are there any other adoptive parents that we can get connected with through the agency? Like a support group?
Yes, through our education classes.
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These are just a few of the questions we asked Summer and felt like y'all would be curious about. If you're feeling even more nosy please email me or post in the comments!