Oh yeah! Nick and I actually enjoyed a class! Fifth times a charm I guess. This class was focused on the birthparent experience. Nick had been looking forward to this class since the beginning. The first part of the class consisted of the instructor NOT reading to us directly from our paperwork and more of her talking. Point for them! The last half of the class the agency brought in a couple that had adopted a baby and the birthmother (BM) that had chosen them as the parents. Really neat. True life experience rules in my world.
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
Showing posts with label infant adoption classes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infant adoption classes. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Class 4 and more
Just a quick one to keep you all up to date:
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Class Two
This is a long post, get your coffee.
So we've been to two classes now and all they've really done is do a lot of reading to us. I have been reading to myself since, like, the tender age of 4 people. I spent a serious amount of time at the library when I was a child, I can work the Dewey Decimal System like you wouldn't even know. Reading to me does nothing for me, I understand better when I read to me. Especially under the circumstances.
Here are the major points that we've learned outside of being read at:
Flexibility - Get some. Find some. Grow some. Whatever. You will need it.
Control - You have none. Lose whatever you think you got.
Loss - You aren't the only ones in this situation dealing with loss.
All of these sort of intertwine. We need to be flexible for the BM. She is experiencing loss just the same as we are. She's placing a child for adoption. She could change her mind 100 times, this is a huge deal and we need to be flexible. After all, we aren't in control ;)
Another thing we talked about is adoption language. Like "gave her child up for adoption". I just used this and deleted it because I need to try to use better language. Similar to when you become a Christian and you start trying walking like Christ. You quit cussing, this is a work in progress for us. Another one is "real mom". As if anyone in this situation is imaginary. I have used this before as well. Oops. Someone has a lot of growing to do...
For fun in the last class we took the Briggs Myers whatever whatever test. Nick and I both scored in the ISFJ section. Here is what the ISFJ profile looks like if you care to take a gander - ISFJ . Some parts are spot on for Nick and way off for me and vice versa. If you know us well, you can probably figure them out. I was also pretty close to ISTJ, which is almost exactly the same as ISFJ. Here's a few traits that I identified with, good and bad.
...they place great importance on honesty and integrity (this is incredibly important to me)
...insist on doing everything "by the book"(probably why this whole accounting thing works for me)
...they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted (I can be selfish, I can admit that)
...likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others (anyone? anyone? maybe not affection but definitely emotion)
...they do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations (I will not ask for a raise, its my job, I just do it)
...extremely faithful and loyal (stayed at a job that made me miserable because I felt such loyalty to the founder)
...are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously (HEY NOW! Here's something to get excited about!)
...Under stress may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong...(who's blushing? Me.)
So there's a few interesting things about me. Probably obvious, but its fun to read.
Let me be a little more personal now. And probably a little direct and brash. I have been inundated with people complaining about their kids and lives after kids. Please stop telling me things such as "life as you know it will be over" or "say goodbye to sleeping and having a clean house and hello to being broke". Its probably the "having a clean house" statement that really set me over the edge but you people are REALLY bringing me down. Which in turns brings Nick down. And no one wants to see the eternal optimist down. Trust me. Try to remember that this whole adoption thing is nothing like what you've experienced. It is difficult in its own right. Your icky attitude sorta magnifies that. We want to be excited and happy regardless of how difficult the process is and how difficult you make life out to be after the process is over. Lets agree to something here: you will stop complaining about your terrible children and threatening to just take my mountain bike away now and I will stop almost feeling sorry for you. Your life is not over. Here are some examples of things you could say "I've seen you with our baby, you are going to be a great mom" <yes it did make me tear up. Or "When you guys talk to Ali and play with King, I just know you'll be great parents". Kids mentioned are real children and we love them so its easy for us. Which makes me think it will be 10x more easy to deal with aforementioned nonsense<3
PS - I am good at cleaning and throwing stuff away so ask me over.
So we've been to two classes now and all they've really done is do a lot of reading to us. I have been reading to myself since, like, the tender age of 4 people. I spent a serious amount of time at the library when I was a child, I can work the Dewey Decimal System like you wouldn't even know. Reading to me does nothing for me, I understand better when I read to me. Especially under the circumstances.
Here are the major points that we've learned outside of being read at:
Flexibility - Get some. Find some. Grow some. Whatever. You will need it.
Control - You have none. Lose whatever you think you got.
Loss - You aren't the only ones in this situation dealing with loss.
All of these sort of intertwine. We need to be flexible for the BM. She is experiencing loss just the same as we are. She's placing a child for adoption. She could change her mind 100 times, this is a huge deal and we need to be flexible. After all, we aren't in control ;)
Another thing we talked about is adoption language. Like "gave her child up for adoption". I just used this and deleted it because I need to try to use better language. Similar to when you become a Christian and you start trying walking like Christ. You quit cussing, this is a work in progress for us. Another one is "real mom". As if anyone in this situation is imaginary. I have used this before as well. Oops. Someone has a lot of growing to do...
For fun in the last class we took the Briggs Myers whatever whatever test. Nick and I both scored in the ISFJ section. Here is what the ISFJ profile looks like if you care to take a gander - ISFJ . Some parts are spot on for Nick and way off for me and vice versa. If you know us well, you can probably figure them out. I was also pretty close to ISTJ, which is almost exactly the same as ISFJ. Here's a few traits that I identified with, good and bad.
...they place great importance on honesty and integrity (this is incredibly important to me)
...insist on doing everything "by the book"(probably why this whole accounting thing works for me)
...they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted (I can be selfish, I can admit that)
...likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others (anyone? anyone? maybe not affection but definitely emotion)
...they do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations (I will not ask for a raise, its my job, I just do it)
...extremely faithful and loyal (stayed at a job that made me miserable because I felt such loyalty to the founder)
...are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously (HEY NOW! Here's something to get excited about!)
...Under stress may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong...(who's blushing? Me.)
So there's a few interesting things about me. Probably obvious, but its fun to read.
Let me be a little more personal now. And probably a little direct and brash. I have been inundated with people complaining about their kids and lives after kids. Please stop telling me things such as "life as you know it will be over" or "say goodbye to sleeping and having a clean house and hello to being broke". Its probably the "having a clean house" statement that really set me over the edge but you people are REALLY bringing me down. Which in turns brings Nick down. And no one wants to see the eternal optimist down. Trust me. Try to remember that this whole adoption thing is nothing like what you've experienced. It is difficult in its own right. Your icky attitude sorta magnifies that. We want to be excited and happy regardless of how difficult the process is and how difficult you make life out to be after the process is over. Lets agree to something here: you will stop complaining about your terrible children and threatening to just take my mountain bike away now and I will stop almost feeling sorry for you. Your life is not over. Here are some examples of things you could say "I've seen you with our baby, you are going to be a great mom" <yes it did make me tear up. Or "When you guys talk to Ali and play with King, I just know you'll be great parents". Kids mentioned are real children and we love them so its easy for us. Which makes me think it will be 10x more easy to deal with aforementioned nonsense<3
PS - I am good at cleaning and throwing stuff away so ask me over.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Update? Nothing...
I haven't posted in a while because there's nothing to really update about but I feel like I should say something so y'all don't think I'm flaking!
We start our Infant Adoption Classes next Tuesday. They are every Tuesday evening until early December. They will probably be informative and I'm sure we will learn stuff and it will all fly out the window the second a baby arrives in our home. I think that anything anyone tells us or whatever we read in a book will not prepare us for a child, in any way, shape or form. At least, that's what I hear from those of you who have already done this baby thing...The real lessons come when the baby arrives. But hopefully the classes aren't just a big, expensive waste of time and money.
Until next week when I detail whatever happens in class 1!
We start our Infant Adoption Classes next Tuesday. They are every Tuesday evening until early December. They will probably be informative and I'm sure we will learn stuff and it will all fly out the window the second a baby arrives in our home. I think that anything anyone tells us or whatever we read in a book will not prepare us for a child, in any way, shape or form. At least, that's what I hear from those of you who have already done this baby thing...The real lessons come when the baby arrives. But hopefully the classes aren't just a big, expensive waste of time and money.
Until next week when I detail whatever happens in class 1!
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