Approved!

"It is ordered that the above named applicants are certified as acceptable to adopt children pursuant to the laws of the State of Arizona."

Our home study was submitted and approved by the courts LIGHTNING fast! We got our official paperwork back from the courts before our social worker even had a chance to call us with the good news! Now that we are approved we can start to apply for grants which is great! We are close to raising our goal amount and hopefully we can get a few grants to help us reach it.

We have been working diligently on our match letter since my last post. We actually didn't rush right out and finish it in a few days like the old me would have made us do. Some parts were easy and some parts were really difficult. Oddly enough, we had a hard time writing about each other! God was working in the hearts of our friends, Jose and Ale, though! They asked our closest friends if they would like to help us write about each other by emailing little snippets about us. They composed one email and left it all anonymous. I cried when I read it. Jose, Ale and our anonymous friends, you are the reason we were able to write anything substantial at all! My heart swells with love for you guys! Our letter is now in the hands of a very qualified professional and we are freaking excited to see how it turns out!

When we started this process we knew that there were going to be hard times and that it wasn't going to go fast and smooth. I prayed A LOT for patience and I feel like God delivered me from my rush to do things now and go go go. When something needs to be done, I've already got it done or I'll just do it myself to make it happen. Definitely in some regards, that's still me. But with this process, its been different. I feel like I'm taking this at a slower pace. Perhaps that's good, this is a HUGE life decision after all...

The time has come!

We can officially enter the match book! Which really just means that I tried to do some work on it and got overwhelmed and sort of gave up temporarily. I am so un-artsy, never scrapbooked in my life and am not as Internet savvy as I thought I was. I asked for patience and perseverance and just let it be from there. A huge step for me.
So instead of working on our letter we went shopping! Never have I enjoyed shopping as much as then. Never have I been as overwhelmed as I was then either! We are totally clueless here people!
"Which way does this go?"
"Oh, these are for infants and these are for toddlers...so wait...we have to buy two?"
"Does this car seat fit into this stroller? Cool, it does! How do we get it off the stroller now?"
"Do all car seats come with a matching stroller?"
"So I guess we need to buy another base then?"
"Is this really safe like this? You get in and let me test it."
After a million or so questions (and we only looked at strollers, car seats and pack n plays) Nick declares, "We are totally in parenting mode right now."
Yep, we totally were.

Well, well, well

I feel like I should post on here because I have a blog and if I'm not posting on it there's really no reason to have one. There has been a lot going as you can imagine since my last post about us was like January or something. I'll keep this very brief since adoption wise...there's not a lot to say.
There has been no movement on the adoption. We hit a snag and were delayed and could possibly still be delayed. I was annoyed but I really don't care right now. I'm trying to let go of things that I can't control. Good luck to me!
Well I wish I had more to share but I don't. If I still have any followers....thank you....you are much more patient than I!

I CALLED IT!! Its good to be right, this time anyway!

This ones not about me. Okay, okay, it sort of is.

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago...but not that long ago...a little girl with brown hair saw a little girl with blond hair and they fell into...an apartment lease together.

The real story is that I met my other better half a few years ago and it was jovial cynicism at first sight! Fast forward to about a while ago while we were still trying to get pregnant and scratching our heads or whatever we were doing. Mavis, said other better half, jokingly suggested that she carry a baby for us. She was only partially joking because she knew how devastated we were over this, and she had her own fair share of tears shed for us. Heartbreak doesn't just happen to one person when it happens. We didn't feel like this was the plan for us as you can probably tell. But that doesn't mean that Mavis stopped thinking about it. In fact, she thought A LOT about it. She decided that if she wasn't able to help us have a baby in this manner that she was going to help someone have a baby. So she signed up to be a surrogate! And now shes pregnant! With TWINS! And I KNEW IT! Hahahahaha!

Obviously a lot has been left out, some of the story is sad and some of the story is private, but overall I think it's a heartwarming, inspiring story, and I'm so happy to be part of it. I know she would love it if you followed along with her through her blog, so check it out. Define:Mavis

Does a little bit of you maybe think that God works in REALLY mysterious ways? Everyone is always trying to interpret what God meant when He said this, or what He wants us to do in regards to that. I don't have the answers to much really but when Ive been praying about something, and its been put heavy on my heart, and then I do it, and it feels like the best feeling EVER - that's how I know its Gods will. Some days I feel like the tornado is chasing me and I'm far from healed, but when I look back on some of the super dark days of the storm, I can't help but feel like God was using me to affect her, to heal someone else's suffering.

Individuality

We had our individual meetings with our social worker this week. I'd like to say that I breezed through it with a slam dunk at the end but that's more Nick's style than mine. We had been driving and flying all day and I had motion sickness from all of it. And I had lady issues. I felt like barf, like I was going to barf and probably smelled like recycled airplane barf air. Ew.

Nick went first and I tried my darndest to hear what was going on in there but no such luck. I flipped through the match book that I found in the waiting room. You see, we meet at a pregnancy crisis center. Sort of ironic (read:cruel) to make couples who haven't been able to conceive meet at a place where pregnancy is considered a crisis? I think yes.

Me next! Me next! The first few questions were about my family and how I grew up, so I knew the answers to those ones! There were a few questions about daycare, staying home from work, discipline, marriage, stress and anger, and managing that. She asked a question that I have personally reworked to be, "Why do you think Nick is so awesome?" to which I replied...with tears. Naturally. My verbal response was that he's a gentleman. The written word really does no justice to how great that word is to describe him. Perhaps that's why I felt tears were necessary? Anyhow, I see friends and I hear of other spouses or boyfriends and it makes me feel sad that some women are willing to short change themselves of a man they truly deserve. Don't get me wrong, we do combat occasionally and not just to keep up on our mad MCMAPin' skills.

Another question that got me going was when she asked how I was dealing with the infertility. I know that not conceiving after one year medically considers you infertile but I sort of think that's bullhonkey especially since nothing is medically stopping us from having a biological child. Our not getting pregnant is not about medicine or our personal biology. Its about God having a different plan for us. I explained through tears of joy that I was, of course, sad about the whole situation but that it was so great because we can honestly say that we've heard Gods will and we've followed through with what He's told us. She reassured me that I may never feel completely whole in regards to the issue of not experiencing a pregnancy and that, that was okay.

Directly after this question she hit me with, "How do you know right now is the right time for adoption?" I'm fairly certain tears were squirting OUT OF MY HEAD when I responded with a smile that "it just feels so good". Cuz y'all, it does. The world with all its ugliness can really get a person down, especially a person that's as sensitive as I am. But when I think about how incredible it is going to be when Nick and I bring our baby home...it makes me feel like, just for that second, there's no evil in the world.

After the individual meetings we all met together and discussed our next meeting and the match book. Man, I remember describing what the match book was...now we are actually talking about going into the match book! Our social worker described the "good" ones and the not so good ones. She gave us a little insight on what birth mothers are looking for. She told us to run a few drafts past our friends and ask them...if they'd give us their baby...no no no that's not what she said...if our letter looks like who we really are. Help us to just be ourselves and not some made up, keeping up with the Joneses, cookie cutters.

We have another meeting coming up which I'm told is the meeting that we will discuss all the wonderful things our references said about us! And by wonderful things I mean all the crap you guys talked about us! So go ahead and fess up now! Hah just kidding! I know everything said was out of love and honesty and you cannot fault that.

I wanted to include a little note on the financial situation. We have been so blessed. While we are still a ways away from having the full amount, we are inching excitedly in the right direction. There have been a few families that have stepped out in faith and have changed our lives not only in regards to the adoption. Every single dollar matters so please don't feel like your donation is too small or that it won't make a difference. You could be the dollar that brings a child into our lives. If you don't feel comfortable donating or just aren't able to make it happen please pray for us. Please be praying that our birth mother is out there right now taking care of herself. Please be praying that we would reach our financial goal. Please be praying that we would continue to be still and hear Gods will for us.

Where have I been...

Apparently I forgot I had blog. Oops. Sorry dear followers/stalkers!

Home study - We had our social worker over to the casa a bit ago. I won't say how long because that would define how long I've been away from posting. The actual home viewing was much less intrusive than I suspected it would be. She looked at all the rooms, noted our flooring and saw the backyard. She likes the paint in the kitchen. (Me too! So fun!) The End. So simple. We also did a little genealogy exercise. We drew our family tree out to our grandparents and all our aunts and uncles and cousins and all them. Then we talked a bit about those relationships. Not the funnest thing but not the worst. Our next meeting is very soon. Of course I am nervous about it. It's solo. EEK.

Uh hmmm. What else...turns out y'all haven't missed much adoption wise. We wait a lot. I'm actually not disturbed by this, which is so un-me. Gosh I wish I had more information and/or thoughts/feelings/emotions/SOMETHING to convey to you guys but I'm just so blank right now.

Okey doke! Well I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule so as to not let you all down!

Class 7 & Home Study Part 1

It's over! It's over, over, over! I feel so relieved. Looking back, I'm 50/50 on the classes. Some were worthless and just plain annoying to me but some were actually informative and I'm glad to have been there.

The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer. 

We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.

Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.

And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)