Apparently I forgot I had blog. Oops. Sorry dear followers/stalkers!
Home study - We had our social worker over to the casa a bit ago. I won't say how long because that would define how long I've been away from posting. The actual home viewing was much less intrusive than I suspected it would be. She looked at all the rooms, noted our flooring and saw the backyard. She likes the paint in the kitchen. (Me too! So fun!) The End. So simple. We also did a little genealogy exercise. We drew our family tree out to our grandparents and all our aunts and uncles and cousins and all them. Then we talked a bit about those relationships. Not the funnest thing but not the worst. Our next meeting is very soon. Of course I am nervous about it. It's solo. EEK.
Uh hmmm. What else...turns out y'all haven't missed much adoption wise. We wait a lot. I'm actually not disturbed by this, which is so un-me. Gosh I wish I had more information and/or thoughts/feelings/emotions/SOMETHING to convey to you guys but I'm just so blank right now.
Okey doke! Well I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule so as to not let you all down!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Class 7 & Home Study Part 1
It's over! It's over, over, over! I feel so relieved. Looking back, I'm 50/50 on the classes. Some were worthless and just plain annoying to me but some were actually informative and I'm glad to have been there.
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Class 6 - The Covenant and The Superhero
This class we learned about covenants and boundaries. We liked it.
A covenant is like a contract but instead of being bound by the strong arm of the law you're bound by your heart and your word. Much more serious. Here are a few things we learned about covenants that God has made with us:
Edenic - God promised Adam life and blessings, just don't eat from the tree. Hmmm...
Adamic - He did it anyway. God promised pain at childbirth for women and backbreaking work for men.
Noahic - God wont destroy the Earth through flood again.
Moseic - God says to obey His commandments and He will bless us.
New Covenant - Enter Jesus. God loved us so much but He knew that we would still be silly little humans so He sends Jesus. Can I get an Amen?
We make this covenant with mainly the BM but it could be the BF, the BGma or BGpa. In this case the covenant is setting up general boundaries and promises in regards to the child. It would go something like this:
We will meet with you such and such amount of times a year. So and so can or cannot be present at the meetings. We will send pictures at major events. You will notify us if you receive medical information that we need to know. We will notify you if the child has a serious illness, etc. It can include phone call times and amounts, email amounts, gift dollar amounts and times to send gifts. It can be as general or specific as you like but the most important part is that all parties are willing to follow through with the terms placed in the covenant.
Good stuff. Good class. Our first meeting for our home study is in less than a week. We have one more class. (Can I get another Amen...jk!)
In other news...I think Nick is a superhero. I have been sickly but feeling mostly better now. The only thing is this nightly cough. In my sleep the cough creeps in and wakes me up and I can't stop it. Several times a night. I have been late for work and dragging you know what all day. Then I get home and can't sleep. Pair my coughing and extremely heavy breathing (so he says) together and you get me wondering how the heck he pops out of bed at 445am and darts off to work moments later. Superhero, that's how.
A covenant is like a contract but instead of being bound by the strong arm of the law you're bound by your heart and your word. Much more serious. Here are a few things we learned about covenants that God has made with us:
Edenic - God promised Adam life and blessings, just don't eat from the tree. Hmmm...
Adamic - He did it anyway. God promised pain at childbirth for women and backbreaking work for men.
Noahic - God wont destroy the Earth through flood again.
Moseic - God says to obey His commandments and He will bless us.
New Covenant - Enter Jesus. God loved us so much but He knew that we would still be silly little humans so He sends Jesus. Can I get an Amen?
We make this covenant with mainly the BM but it could be the BF, the BGma or BGpa. In this case the covenant is setting up general boundaries and promises in regards to the child. It would go something like this:
We will meet with you such and such amount of times a year. So and so can or cannot be present at the meetings. We will send pictures at major events. You will notify us if you receive medical information that we need to know. We will notify you if the child has a serious illness, etc. It can include phone call times and amounts, email amounts, gift dollar amounts and times to send gifts. It can be as general or specific as you like but the most important part is that all parties are willing to follow through with the terms placed in the covenant.
Good stuff. Good class. Our first meeting for our home study is in less than a week. We have one more class. (Can I get another Amen...jk!)
In other news...I think Nick is a superhero. I have been sickly but feeling mostly better now. The only thing is this nightly cough. In my sleep the cough creeps in and wakes me up and I can't stop it. Several times a night. I have been late for work and dragging you know what all day. Then I get home and can't sleep. Pair my coughing and extremely heavy breathing (so he says) together and you get me wondering how the heck he pops out of bed at 445am and darts off to work moments later. Superhero, that's how.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Class 5 (& a question for you, yes you)
Oh yeah! Nick and I actually enjoyed a class! Fifth times a charm I guess. This class was focused on the birthparent experience. Nick had been looking forward to this class since the beginning. The first part of the class consisted of the instructor NOT reading to us directly from our paperwork and more of her talking. Point for them! The last half of the class the agency brought in a couple that had adopted a baby and the birthmother (BM) that had chosen them as the parents. Really neat. True life experience rules in my world.
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Class 4 and more
Just a quick one to keep you all up to date:
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Good Grief
I have been dreading the grief class since they sent us the first paperwork months ago. I am a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of person, so you’ll always know how I’m feeling. And nearly all my feelings are associated with tears. Varying types of happiness and sadness bring tears out. If you are crying, I am crying. I cry because I’m emotional and I really care about whatever the subject is. I cry with good news because I’m overwhelmed with happiness, I cry with bad new because I’m overwhelmed with sadness. If you donate to help us bring Baby B home, I will cry big ol’ fat crocodile tears. If you prayed over us to get pregnant, I was cryin'! It’s how you know I’m a real person. And I'm okay with it. Except I hate crying in front of other people. I think it makes them uncomfortable and in turn I am uncomfortable in my happiness or sadness. Perhaps y'all should start crying when I do… ;)
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Class Two
This is a long post, get your coffee.
So we've been to two classes now and all they've really done is do a lot of reading to us. I have been reading to myself since, like, the tender age of 4 people. I spent a serious amount of time at the library when I was a child, I can work the Dewey Decimal System like you wouldn't even know. Reading to me does nothing for me, I understand better when I read to me. Especially under the circumstances.
Here are the major points that we've learned outside of being read at:
Flexibility - Get some. Find some. Grow some. Whatever. You will need it.
Control - You have none. Lose whatever you think you got.
Loss - You aren't the only ones in this situation dealing with loss.
All of these sort of intertwine. We need to be flexible for the BM. She is experiencing loss just the same as we are. She's placing a child for adoption. She could change her mind 100 times, this is a huge deal and we need to be flexible. After all, we aren't in control ;)
Another thing we talked about is adoption language. Like "gave her child up for adoption". I just used this and deleted it because I need to try to use better language. Similar to when you become a Christian and you start trying walking like Christ. You quit cussing, this is a work in progress for us. Another one is "real mom". As if anyone in this situation is imaginary. I have used this before as well. Oops. Someone has a lot of growing to do...
For fun in the last class we took the Briggs Myers whatever whatever test. Nick and I both scored in the ISFJ section. Here is what the ISFJ profile looks like if you care to take a gander - ISFJ . Some parts are spot on for Nick and way off for me and vice versa. If you know us well, you can probably figure them out. I was also pretty close to ISTJ, which is almost exactly the same as ISFJ. Here's a few traits that I identified with, good and bad.
...they place great importance on honesty and integrity (this is incredibly important to me)
...insist on doing everything "by the book"(probably why this whole accounting thing works for me)
...they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted (I can be selfish, I can admit that)
...likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others (anyone? anyone? maybe not affection but definitely emotion)
...they do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations (I will not ask for a raise, its my job, I just do it)
...extremely faithful and loyal (stayed at a job that made me miserable because I felt such loyalty to the founder)
...are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously (HEY NOW! Here's something to get excited about!)
...Under stress may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong...(who's blushing? Me.)
So there's a few interesting things about me. Probably obvious, but its fun to read.
Let me be a little more personal now. And probably a little direct and brash. I have been inundated with people complaining about their kids and lives after kids. Please stop telling me things such as "life as you know it will be over" or "say goodbye to sleeping and having a clean house and hello to being broke". Its probably the "having a clean house" statement that really set me over the edge but you people are REALLY bringing me down. Which in turns brings Nick down. And no one wants to see the eternal optimist down. Trust me. Try to remember that this whole adoption thing is nothing like what you've experienced. It is difficult in its own right. Your icky attitude sorta magnifies that. We want to be excited and happy regardless of how difficult the process is and how difficult you make life out to be after the process is over. Lets agree to something here: you will stop complaining about your terrible children and threatening to just take my mountain bike away now and I will stop almost feeling sorry for you. Your life is not over. Here are some examples of things you could say "I've seen you with our baby, you are going to be a great mom" <yes it did make me tear up. Or "When you guys talk to Ali and play with King, I just know you'll be great parents". Kids mentioned are real children and we love them so its easy for us. Which makes me think it will be 10x more easy to deal with aforementioned nonsense<3
PS - I am good at cleaning and throwing stuff away so ask me over.
So we've been to two classes now and all they've really done is do a lot of reading to us. I have been reading to myself since, like, the tender age of 4 people. I spent a serious amount of time at the library when I was a child, I can work the Dewey Decimal System like you wouldn't even know. Reading to me does nothing for me, I understand better when I read to me. Especially under the circumstances.
Here are the major points that we've learned outside of being read at:
Flexibility - Get some. Find some. Grow some. Whatever. You will need it.
Control - You have none. Lose whatever you think you got.
Loss - You aren't the only ones in this situation dealing with loss.
All of these sort of intertwine. We need to be flexible for the BM. She is experiencing loss just the same as we are. She's placing a child for adoption. She could change her mind 100 times, this is a huge deal and we need to be flexible. After all, we aren't in control ;)
Another thing we talked about is adoption language. Like "gave her child up for adoption". I just used this and deleted it because I need to try to use better language. Similar to when you become a Christian and you start trying walking like Christ. You quit cussing, this is a work in progress for us. Another one is "real mom". As if anyone in this situation is imaginary. I have used this before as well. Oops. Someone has a lot of growing to do...
For fun in the last class we took the Briggs Myers whatever whatever test. Nick and I both scored in the ISFJ section. Here is what the ISFJ profile looks like if you care to take a gander - ISFJ . Some parts are spot on for Nick and way off for me and vice versa. If you know us well, you can probably figure them out. I was also pretty close to ISTJ, which is almost exactly the same as ISFJ. Here's a few traits that I identified with, good and bad.
...they place great importance on honesty and integrity (this is incredibly important to me)
...insist on doing everything "by the book"(probably why this whole accounting thing works for me)
...they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted (I can be selfish, I can admit that)
...likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others (anyone? anyone? maybe not affection but definitely emotion)
...they do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations (I will not ask for a raise, its my job, I just do it)
...extremely faithful and loyal (stayed at a job that made me miserable because I felt such loyalty to the founder)
...are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously (HEY NOW! Here's something to get excited about!)
...Under stress may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong...(who's blushing? Me.)
So there's a few interesting things about me. Probably obvious, but its fun to read.
Let me be a little more personal now. And probably a little direct and brash. I have been inundated with people complaining about their kids and lives after kids. Please stop telling me things such as "life as you know it will be over" or "say goodbye to sleeping and having a clean house and hello to being broke". Its probably the "having a clean house" statement that really set me over the edge but you people are REALLY bringing me down. Which in turns brings Nick down. And no one wants to see the eternal optimist down. Trust me. Try to remember that this whole adoption thing is nothing like what you've experienced. It is difficult in its own right. Your icky attitude sorta magnifies that. We want to be excited and happy regardless of how difficult the process is and how difficult you make life out to be after the process is over. Lets agree to something here: you will stop complaining about your terrible children and threatening to just take my mountain bike away now and I will stop almost feeling sorry for you. Your life is not over. Here are some examples of things you could say "I've seen you with our baby, you are going to be a great mom" <yes it did make me tear up. Or "When you guys talk to Ali and play with King, I just know you'll be great parents". Kids mentioned are real children and we love them so its easy for us. Which makes me think it will be 10x more easy to deal with aforementioned nonsense<3
PS - I am good at cleaning and throwing stuff away so ask me over.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
What to say, what to say....
This is going to be a quick post because I'm in a weird place and I really don't have much to say. We went to the 1st adoption class. It was far (like REAL far) and in a less than fabulous location. They just reviewed some stuff and read to us from our booklet. We got home late and went to bed even later.
Perhaps I'll have something encouraging to pass on after next class!
Perhaps I'll have something encouraging to pass on after next class!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Soup, Soap and Salvation
Have you ever been inspired to do something big? Something great? Something so powerful it could change the way another human being lives their life? Yah...me neither...
Let me tell you a wee little story about our friends Jeff and Ana. We met this couple through our small group and have adored them from the beginning. I could describe them in so many ways but what you really need to know is that they love God and have been called by Him to do something very special. In February they are traveling with our church to be missionaries in India. It kind of takes my breath away how incredible it is. I'm sure there has been a time in your life when you clearly heard Gods calling and ignored it. You probably said something like, surely that's not Gods will for me, He wouldn't tell me to (insert missed opportunity here)! Maybe you're pre-G right now and you felt something stirring in your heart and you dismissed it - coulda' been the Holy Spirit trying to break through...just sayin'...
I truly believe that we grow most when we're forced to be uncomfortable for Christ. When we're out of our comfort zone, in unknown territory, uncertain of whats ahead on life's road map and fully trusting that Christ will get us to where He needs us to be. Just thinking about how uncomfortable I would be in India makes me believe that Jeff and Ana are going to experience some serious growth! More importantly, they are going to help grow the people of India. These people worship millions of gods, its all they've ever known. To me, that's crazy. Jeff and Ana are going to go over there and tell them there is only one God< to them, that's crazy.
If you've been moved to spread the Good Word but you don't know how or you aren't quite ready to step off this continent to do so, would you consider donating to help Jeff and Ana get to India? As you can probably imagine the costs are significant but as previously stated in other posts, only significant alone. Perhaps you could skip Starbucks tomorrow or Taco Bell at lunch or skip your massive car payment this month (ha no jk, don't get silly) and send a few dollars their way.
If you are ready to do this, here's how:
Go to Cornerstone Chandler website www.cschandler.com
Click on ministries
Click on missions
Click on upcoming trips
Click on information
Below "India" and "Support a Team Member" (on the left) there is a Click Here area, do it!
(I will assume that most of you reading this tithe to your own church and not ours, so you'll have to set up an account which takes 5 seconds and no the church wont spam you or sell your information or try to take your firstborn son.) (Its fully tax deductible as if you needed more reasons to donate)
Scroll down to Jeff and Ana, select amount to give... and voila!
Literally that easy to bring the hope-less to the hopeful.
And if you're the praying sort:
+that the Holy Spirit would speak through Jeff and Ana to the people of India
+that everyone they come in contact with would be moved to salvation, fully believing and living out the word of God
+that the Holy Spirit would move Jeff and Ana to places they've never been and clearly show them what their ministry should be
Let me tell you a wee little story about our friends Jeff and Ana. We met this couple through our small group and have adored them from the beginning. I could describe them in so many ways but what you really need to know is that they love God and have been called by Him to do something very special. In February they are traveling with our church to be missionaries in India. It kind of takes my breath away how incredible it is. I'm sure there has been a time in your life when you clearly heard Gods calling and ignored it. You probably said something like, surely that's not Gods will for me, He wouldn't tell me to (insert missed opportunity here)! Maybe you're pre-G right now and you felt something stirring in your heart and you dismissed it - coulda' been the Holy Spirit trying to break through...just sayin'...
I truly believe that we grow most when we're forced to be uncomfortable for Christ. When we're out of our comfort zone, in unknown territory, uncertain of whats ahead on life's road map and fully trusting that Christ will get us to where He needs us to be. Just thinking about how uncomfortable I would be in India makes me believe that Jeff and Ana are going to experience some serious growth! More importantly, they are going to help grow the people of India. These people worship millions of gods, its all they've ever known. To me, that's crazy. Jeff and Ana are going to go over there and tell them there is only one God< to them, that's crazy.
If you've been moved to spread the Good Word but you don't know how or you aren't quite ready to step off this continent to do so, would you consider donating to help Jeff and Ana get to India? As you can probably imagine the costs are significant but as previously stated in other posts, only significant alone. Perhaps you could skip Starbucks tomorrow or Taco Bell at lunch or skip your massive car payment this month (ha no jk, don't get silly) and send a few dollars their way.
If you are ready to do this, here's how:
Go to Cornerstone Chandler website www.cschandler.com
Click on ministries
Click on missions
Click on upcoming trips
Click on information
Below "India" and "Support a Team Member" (on the left) there is a Click Here area, do it!
(I will assume that most of you reading this tithe to your own church and not ours, so you'll have to set up an account which takes 5 seconds and no the church wont spam you or sell your information or try to take your firstborn son.) (Its fully tax deductible as if you needed more reasons to donate)
Scroll down to Jeff and Ana, select amount to give... and voila!
Literally that easy to bring the hope-less to the hopeful.
And if you're the praying sort:
+that the Holy Spirit would speak through Jeff and Ana to the people of India
+that everyone they come in contact with would be moved to salvation, fully believing and living out the word of God
+that the Holy Spirit would move Jeff and Ana to places they've never been and clearly show them what their ministry should be
Monday, October 10, 2011
Update? Nothing...
I haven't posted in a while because there's nothing to really update about but I feel like I should say something so y'all don't think I'm flaking!
We start our Infant Adoption Classes next Tuesday. They are every Tuesday evening until early December. They will probably be informative and I'm sure we will learn stuff and it will all fly out the window the second a baby arrives in our home. I think that anything anyone tells us or whatever we read in a book will not prepare us for a child, in any way, shape or form. At least, that's what I hear from those of you who have already done this baby thing...The real lessons come when the baby arrives. But hopefully the classes aren't just a big, expensive waste of time and money.
Until next week when I detail whatever happens in class 1!
We start our Infant Adoption Classes next Tuesday. They are every Tuesday evening until early December. They will probably be informative and I'm sure we will learn stuff and it will all fly out the window the second a baby arrives in our home. I think that anything anyone tells us or whatever we read in a book will not prepare us for a child, in any way, shape or form. At least, that's what I hear from those of you who have already done this baby thing...The real lessons come when the baby arrives. But hopefully the classes aren't just a big, expensive waste of time and money.
Until next week when I detail whatever happens in class 1!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
An Opportunity to Bless Us
So excited! Today's the day where I get to share an amazing opportunity with you guys!
Our friend Ale came to us one night recently and told us that she's decided to help out with our adoption fees by offering photography sessions with her for a discounted rate and blessing us with a portion of the proceeds! I cried (possibly an understatement) (possibly getting teary-eyed now). Ale is talented in ways you cannot believe until you see it. Go - see it - Imaginale Design, or visit her blog which has images of her work as well - Imaginale Blog. Right?! Right?!
Want to help out? Want to have photos of you/your family that just happen to be the most phenomenal keepsakes you'll have? Want to bless an awe-inspiring local photographer?
Win. Win. Win.
+You can contact Ale through the link on her blog or through her website+
Our friend Ale came to us one night recently and told us that she's decided to help out with our adoption fees by offering photography sessions with her for a discounted rate and blessing us with a portion of the proceeds! I cried (possibly an understatement) (possibly getting teary-eyed now). Ale is talented in ways you cannot believe until you see it. Go - see it - Imaginale Design, or visit her blog which has images of her work as well - Imaginale Blog. Right?! Right?!
Want to help out? Want to have photos of you/your family that just happen to be the most phenomenal keepsakes you'll have? Want to bless an awe-inspiring local photographer?
Win. Win. Win.
+You can contact Ale through the link on her blog or through her website+
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Temper tantrum
Heard much interesting news yesterday. The agency raised their rates. Yaaaaaaaaaay...stab me. Nick took my moment of despair and outrage and turned it into a "learning opportunity" for me. Further proving he is the ying to my yang, or whatever. The realist and the optimist, we are quite the pair. I look out the window between Heber and Show Low and remark that it makes me feel sad that the land is still so damaged from the fires. He looks over and says, yah but look at all the baby trees growing! I didn't even notice them, probably because they look like bushes, and I am entranced with how cute and little they are. He says if we were both one way we wouldn't get anything done. I imagined we'd be walking around bouncing into one another and then giggling about it, never accomplishing anything. In my imagination we'd be optimists, obviously. ;)
Next. Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis which I'm calling the Temper Tantrum Test. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I'm intrigued by psychology and analyzing pretty much everything. But these tests? Hmmm. We each have to take the test twice, once for ourselves and once answering about the other.
Next. Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis which I'm calling the Temper Tantrum Test. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I'm intrigued by psychology and analyzing pretty much everything. But these tests? Hmmm. We each have to take the test twice, once for ourselves and once answering about the other.
- Does Lauren feel uneasy when riding or driving in traffic? Depends on who is driving.
- Does Nick seek to keep peace at any price? ANY price? Including death? What kind of question is this??
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Rock with me.
I thought I had writers cramp. Or block or whatever it is. I have an idea in my head that I really want to talk about but I just can't find the right words to say. Its for another day I guess. So I started a new post and deleted the nothingness that filled this box. Take two.
I was listening to a sermon from our old church and I became inspired. On fiiii-ya, rather. The pastor used a term that I was not familiar with so I paused and summonsed the Goog. I got trapped by my deep curiosity. Forgive my delay, apparently this term has been in study for 20 something years. Its post traumatic growth. I'm sure you can gather what it means but let me break it down Barney style: an intense growth spurt (emotionally, spiritually, mentally) following a deeply challenging life experience.
Maybe I'm so intrigued because the moment I heard him say the words I knew what it meant. I knew because Ive experienced post traumatic growth...exponentially. The trauma was in 2010; pretty much the whole year was a wreck from the afternoon of March 13th on. There were four major traumas that year and 365+ days of a variety of emotions spawning from a secret trauma we dealt with.
I touched Nicks body with my hands and begged God for healing. I prayed OUT LOUD Y’ALL. When my Papa passed I questioned the suffering. Why did someone who loved God so much suffer so greatly. When B went, things spiraled. Why did You do this, are You punishing us, I don’t understand, show me, show me, show me, why, why, why. Another life lost after B. More questioning. How come some people get to choose, how come B didn’t get to choose. All this heartache flying around me barely giving me a chance to grieve for myself and my husband, for the baby that wouldn’t be.
It was the year of why. I’ll admit, I still question, I still don’t understand sometimes, I still ask why. I still pray for our acceptance of His will and for peace in our hearts. Because I hurt so bad, so often from these events that often times I couldn't see/hear/grasp any reasoning as to why anything at all. Instead of flopping about like a fish out of water, I dug in. And I did ask why. This takes me back to the sermon, when the pastor said, God is at work in the crisis, making you into the person He wants. Ding, Ding! God needed to transform me into the person He needs me to be. I needed to suffer so that I could grow. Wait, what? Eww. That sounds awful. Yes, because it is. Growth spurts hurt remember? I would not be as tall as I am (ha) had I not suffered through growth spurts. I would not be as firm in my faith had I not suffered through trials. So what was God preparing me for? Could He be pulling me closer to Him so that I could hear His plan for us? Was He showing me that He was in control of everything and that what I needed to do was to lean harder into Him?
I titled the post "rock with me" because its another part of the sermon I wrote down. You know when you're so sick, so tired, so beat down, you just rock yourself. Its a soothing mechanism that I love. I love to rock. And we all need someone to rock with.
Has anyone else been transformed by the pain? Had a particularly unpleasant period of growth? I'm here to rock if you need me....
I was listening to a sermon from our old church and I became inspired. On fiiii-ya, rather. The pastor used a term that I was not familiar with so I paused and summonsed the Goog. I got trapped by my deep curiosity. Forgive my delay, apparently this term has been in study for 20 something years. Its post traumatic growth. I'm sure you can gather what it means but let me break it down Barney style: an intense growth spurt (emotionally, spiritually, mentally) following a deeply challenging life experience.
Maybe I'm so intrigued because the moment I heard him say the words I knew what it meant. I knew because Ive experienced post traumatic growth...exponentially. The trauma was in 2010; pretty much the whole year was a wreck from the afternoon of March 13th on. There were four major traumas that year and 365+ days of a variety of emotions spawning from a secret trauma we dealt with.
I touched Nicks body with my hands and begged God for healing. I prayed OUT LOUD Y’ALL. When my Papa passed I questioned the suffering. Why did someone who loved God so much suffer so greatly. When B went, things spiraled. Why did You do this, are You punishing us, I don’t understand, show me, show me, show me, why, why, why. Another life lost after B. More questioning. How come some people get to choose, how come B didn’t get to choose. All this heartache flying around me barely giving me a chance to grieve for myself and my husband, for the baby that wouldn’t be.
It was the year of why. I’ll admit, I still question, I still don’t understand sometimes, I still ask why. I still pray for our acceptance of His will and for peace in our hearts. Because I hurt so bad, so often from these events that often times I couldn't see/hear/grasp any reasoning as to why anything at all. Instead of flopping about like a fish out of water, I dug in. And I did ask why. This takes me back to the sermon, when the pastor said, God is at work in the crisis, making you into the person He wants. Ding, Ding! God needed to transform me into the person He needs me to be. I needed to suffer so that I could grow. Wait, what? Eww. That sounds awful. Yes, because it is. Growth spurts hurt remember? I would not be as tall as I am (ha) had I not suffered through growth spurts. I would not be as firm in my faith had I not suffered through trials. So what was God preparing me for? Could He be pulling me closer to Him so that I could hear His plan for us? Was He showing me that He was in control of everything and that what I needed to do was to lean harder into Him?
I titled the post "rock with me" because its another part of the sermon I wrote down. You know when you're so sick, so tired, so beat down, you just rock yourself. Its a soothing mechanism that I love. I love to rock. And we all need someone to rock with.
Has anyone else been transformed by the pain? Had a particularly unpleasant period of growth? I'm here to rock if you need me....
Friday, September 9, 2011
PayPal!
Exciting news here people!! We've got PayPal up on the blog! If you haven't found it yet its in the top-ish right hand area. Many thanks to our friend Kylan for putting it up for us. His unrivaled patience and IT smarts are awesome!
I don't exactly know how the button works yet. I'm hoping, for my sake, that it allows y'all to donate to us anonymously though! I foresee lots of tears in my future in regards to this, as they've already started (more on this later!!). Time and money happen to be pretty high on the list of "MINE" or "mine, all mine! ::evil laugh::" so for people to set aside their own needs and wants in regards to their time and money means THE WORLD to us. Its not easy to part with your money, I totally get it. If you guys have been praying about it and talking about it with your spouse or pondering your financial situation and have decided to help us out....ah its going to bless us in more ways than you will know! Please don't feel guilted or pressured to give anything though. Praying is free and that will take us places we cant imagine.
Another friend of ours has decided to bless us with her time AND money - be on the lookout for more news on that once it all gets settled - this gift to us will ALSO be a gift to you guys!! That's like triple awesome or something...
Prayin' folks:
+ Prayer for our support system to have compassion, acceptance and true understanding of our desire for adoption and our reasoning.
I don't exactly know how the button works yet. I'm hoping, for my sake, that it allows y'all to donate to us anonymously though! I foresee lots of tears in my future in regards to this, as they've already started (more on this later!!). Time and money happen to be pretty high on the list of "MINE" or "mine, all mine! ::evil laugh::" so for people to set aside their own needs and wants in regards to their time and money means THE WORLD to us. Its not easy to part with your money, I totally get it. If you guys have been praying about it and talking about it with your spouse or pondering your financial situation and have decided to help us out....ah its going to bless us in more ways than you will know! Please don't feel guilted or pressured to give anything though. Praying is free and that will take us places we cant imagine.
Another friend of ours has decided to bless us with her time AND money - be on the lookout for more news on that once it all gets settled - this gift to us will ALSO be a gift to you guys!! That's like triple awesome or something...
Prayin' folks:
+ Prayer for our support system to have compassion, acceptance and true understanding of our desire for adoption and our reasoning.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Back to business
Nick and were in San Diego over the long weekend! It was such a great vacation! Super special thanks to our AMAZING friends Marco and Mavis. They let us move in essentially and catered to us while we were there. We would go nowhere if it weren't for their generosity. We went boogie boarding, tried surfing, went to Coronado Island, ate at a Brazilian steakhouse for the first time and of course played Kinect on the Xbox. (its actually a ton of fun, well just the Michael Jackson game, even though I'm opposed to video games as a whole)
**Shout out to our friends Rich and Kristie! They watched our pups for us which is what really allowed us to go on vacation. We can't take them with us because we aren't able to have them at M&M current place of residence;) Its really the girls vacation from Mom and Dad. So we couldn't have done it without their generosity either.**
We woke up this morning back in reality (the fact that we did not automatically adjust back to these temps really helps that). So we're back to filling out the homestudy paperwork and the questions aren't exactly black and white, yes or no, they are kind of deep. I hadn't really thought of what the questions would be but we are faced with a few thought provoking ones.
Outside of the paperwork we need to get the girls registered in our county, which is going to be such a hassle I'm not looking forward to. Judge if you like but we're not the kind of people that think we should pay the county to have a pet. (This line of thinking could be parallel with our feelings about adoption as well) We also need to get some sort of safe for our gats/pieces/heat aka guns. I am positive there are benefits to that but we don't have a kid right now so I cant figure out how they apply to us. Mostly a safe is just for the benefit of the murderer/burglar/uninvited guest at this point. (JK on the last one...uninvited guest, ha, no one comes all the way out to our house uninvited!)
**Shout out to our friends Rich and Kristie! They watched our pups for us which is what really allowed us to go on vacation. We can't take them with us because we aren't able to have them at M&M current place of residence;) Its really the girls vacation from Mom and Dad. So we couldn't have done it without their generosity either.**
We woke up this morning back in reality (the fact that we did not automatically adjust back to these temps really helps that). So we're back to filling out the homestudy paperwork and the questions aren't exactly black and white, yes or no, they are kind of deep. I hadn't really thought of what the questions would be but we are faced with a few thought provoking ones.
Outside of the paperwork we need to get the girls registered in our county, which is going to be such a hassle I'm not looking forward to. Judge if you like but we're not the kind of people that think we should pay the county to have a pet. (This line of thinking could be parallel with our feelings about adoption as well) We also need to get some sort of safe for our gats/pieces/heat aka guns. I am positive there are benefits to that but we don't have a kid right now so I cant figure out how they apply to us. Mostly a safe is just for the benefit of the murderer/burglar/uninvited guest at this point. (JK on the last one...uninvited guest, ha, no one comes all the way out to our house uninvited!)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
It's THAT important....
...so I'm posting twice in one day. I want to elaborate on the match book and the fees a bit more.
Right now we are in the process of filling out all the paperwork and getting set up for our education classes. Once our home study is approved and all our education is complete, we can enter the (drum roll) match book! TADA! The match book is a collection of information on other folks like us. We create a sort of ad for ourselves, like a resume but approximately 100x more important. I am not as concerned about the match book itself (for now anyway!) but more concerned about what Summer warned us about entering the match book. Hypothetical situation time. Its February and we've finished the home study and the education. We create our *resume* and put it in the match book. BAM! Because we're so rad a birth mother picks us right away. Lots of things happen and before we know it someone is handing us a baby and telling us what court to show up to, to make everything final. When we go to the court to make everything final, we cut a check to the agency for the full placement fee. Summer suggested that before we enter the match book we have our agency fee ready to be written, because it really could happen that fast. Not typically, but in this situation...nothing is typical. Not sure if y'all caught that...we likely will not enter the match book until we have our fee completely ready to be sent to the agency. From the time you DO enter the match book, its give or take 1 year to be placed with an infant. The longer we hold out on the match book, the longer it could take for BabyB to come home to us.
This is where we talk about fees. If talking about money makes you squeamish, RUN. FOR. THE. HILLS. (I'd lead the way if I could) Our fee seems like a daunting number, in fact, it is. It makes me go, um really, what do you expect us to raise the kid with...maize and beads? I don't think they will give me diapers in exchange for that...But I'm reminded by my more level headed compadres that the number is only daunting ALONE. Which we aren't. God brought us here because He knew we could handle it. He has provided for us when we (me) really didn't know how we would get by. Ask me about the "escrow and the bill" story some time. I truly do believe that God will provide us with enough money to cover these fees.
So here's where we hit you guys up for money, look out! We ask that you would prayerfully consider donating ANY amount you can to help us with our agency fee. I'm going to add PayPal to the blog as soon as I can figure all that out. *Disclaimer - PayPal is slightly stingy and will make us pay a percentage fee on every donation* For me personally, its easier to just pull the card out and make it happen, so I understand the need for PayPal. On the other hand, if you would prefer to do some good old fashioned check writing, all of your donation to bring BabyB home will go directly to that fund. Or cash. Or the spare change in your couch. If you feel like you just can't help us out financially would you consider donating your gently used items to us so that we can add them to our garage sale pile? We plan on having a sale in October sometime when the weather is less like death. Does anyone have any other ideas for raising money?
Here are a few things that, if you're a praying person, we could use prayer for:
+We ask that God would be softening the heart of the birth mother. She may not even be pregnant right now but God knows her and He's already chosen the baby that will be ours.
+We ask that the baby He's chosen for us would be cared for while growing in her body.
+We ask that God would show us new opportunities to raise money to cover our fee.
+We ask for prayer that we would not become frustrated with each other, the process, the money or any other "thing". That we would be focused and completely trusting of Gods will for us.
Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other believers, as you still do.
If you guys have any questions AT ALL please email me, text me or leave a comment. We don't want to keep anything from you if you really are pressed to discuss something!
Right now we are in the process of filling out all the paperwork and getting set up for our education classes. Once our home study is approved and all our education is complete, we can enter the (drum roll) match book! TADA! The match book is a collection of information on other folks like us. We create a sort of ad for ourselves, like a resume but approximately 100x more important. I am not as concerned about the match book itself (for now anyway!) but more concerned about what Summer warned us about entering the match book. Hypothetical situation time. Its February and we've finished the home study and the education. We create our *resume* and put it in the match book. BAM! Because we're so rad a birth mother picks us right away. Lots of things happen and before we know it someone is handing us a baby and telling us what court to show up to, to make everything final. When we go to the court to make everything final, we cut a check to the agency for the full placement fee. Summer suggested that before we enter the match book we have our agency fee ready to be written, because it really could happen that fast. Not typically, but in this situation...nothing is typical. Not sure if y'all caught that...we likely will not enter the match book until we have our fee completely ready to be sent to the agency. From the time you DO enter the match book, its give or take 1 year to be placed with an infant. The longer we hold out on the match book, the longer it could take for BabyB to come home to us.
This is where we talk about fees. If talking about money makes you squeamish, RUN. FOR. THE. HILLS. (I'd lead the way if I could) Our fee seems like a daunting number, in fact, it is. It makes me go, um really, what do you expect us to raise the kid with...maize and beads? I don't think they will give me diapers in exchange for that...But I'm reminded by my more level headed compadres that the number is only daunting ALONE. Which we aren't. God brought us here because He knew we could handle it. He has provided for us when we (me) really didn't know how we would get by. Ask me about the "escrow and the bill" story some time. I truly do believe that God will provide us with enough money to cover these fees.
So here's where we hit you guys up for money, look out! We ask that you would prayerfully consider donating ANY amount you can to help us with our agency fee. I'm going to add PayPal to the blog as soon as I can figure all that out. *Disclaimer - PayPal is slightly stingy and will make us pay a percentage fee on every donation* For me personally, its easier to just pull the card out and make it happen, so I understand the need for PayPal. On the other hand, if you would prefer to do some good old fashioned check writing, all of your donation to bring BabyB home will go directly to that fund. Or cash. Or the spare change in your couch. If you feel like you just can't help us out financially would you consider donating your gently used items to us so that we can add them to our garage sale pile? We plan on having a sale in October sometime when the weather is less like death. Does anyone have any other ideas for raising money?
Here are a few things that, if you're a praying person, we could use prayer for:
+We ask that God would be softening the heart of the birth mother. She may not even be pregnant right now but God knows her and He's already chosen the baby that will be ours.
+We ask that the baby He's chosen for us would be cared for while growing in her body.
+We ask that God would show us new opportunities to raise money to cover our fee.
+We ask for prayer that we would not become frustrated with each other, the process, the money or any other "thing". That we would be focused and completely trusting of Gods will for us.
Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other believers, as you still do.
If you guys have any questions AT ALL please email me, text me or leave a comment. We don't want to keep anything from you if you really are pressed to discuss something!
Our first meeting!
I am beyond tired today but I know the peeps demand it! Forgive me if none of this makes sense... Yesterday we met with Summer our social worker. We had a bunch of questions and got them all answered. Summer asked us questions and of course a few set me off and I may have gotten a little teary eyed. I am an emotional creature, what can I say...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is a brief synopsis of the information we now have.
What if the birth family becomes more able to parent the child after the adoption is finalized, can they petition the courts to get the child back?
Nope
How long after the birth does the birth family have to decide to keep the baby?
72+ hours after the birth. Some cases have gone to 2 weeks. (eek!)
How many newborns have you placed in the last year?
38
Are children placed from different states or mostly in your home state? If we travel to another state are those fees covered in our fee to the agency?
Children are placed from your home state. If you do find another birth parent out of state, they can help arrange it but the fees change.
Are we able to make monthly payments?
No. You would assume that people working with a Christian agency would, ya know, pay their bills to the agency...not the case. I don’t even want to imagine what happened in those cases...like if you don’t pay your car payment, they take your car...let your mind wander on that one.
How do you determine how much we will pay?
A portion is predetermined and a portion is based on your income. Although there is a cap on the total fees the agency will accept regardless of income. *to be discussed later on*
What if the birth family chooses us and we go through the entire process and they back out?
No extra fees. You go back in the "match book" awaiting placement.
Who is the typical birth family? Are they Christians?
This surprised me: 26+ women who already have children and cannot provide for another. They are not typically Christian. We hope that through the process we can introduce them to Christ and show them what a functioning family unit really is.
Can you explain open adoption further? Does this mean frequent in person visits? Or just emails and photos?
4 visits a year. This can take place in any form and if necessary can be mediated by the agency.
What is the home study like? How long does it take?
3-6 months. Lots of paperwork. Criminal background, financials, personality tests, educational classes
Can you walk us through the entire process?
Application
Home study ppwk including visits
Education classes
Match book
Wait
How long does the entire process typically take, from sending in our application to baby in our house?
Once we get into the match book it typically takes one year to have an infant in our house. *more on this later*
Can we get a family history? (genetic diseases, parents/ grandparents)
Yes
Are there any other adoptive parents that we can get connected with through the agency? Like a support group?
Yes, through our education classes.
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These are just a few of the questions we asked Summer and felt like y'all would be curious about. If you're feeling even more nosy please email me or post in the comments!
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Here is a brief synopsis of the information we now have.
What if the birth family becomes more able to parent the child after the adoption is finalized, can they petition the courts to get the child back?
Nope
How long after the birth does the birth family have to decide to keep the baby?
72+ hours after the birth. Some cases have gone to 2 weeks. (eek!)
How many newborns have you placed in the last year?
38
Are children placed from different states or mostly in your home state? If we travel to another state are those fees covered in our fee to the agency?
Children are placed from your home state. If you do find another birth parent out of state, they can help arrange it but the fees change.
Are we able to make monthly payments?
No. You would assume that people working with a Christian agency would, ya know, pay their bills to the agency...not the case. I don’t even want to imagine what happened in those cases...like if you don’t pay your car payment, they take your car...let your mind wander on that one.
How do you determine how much we will pay?
A portion is predetermined and a portion is based on your income. Although there is a cap on the total fees the agency will accept regardless of income. *to be discussed later on*
What if the birth family chooses us and we go through the entire process and they back out?
No extra fees. You go back in the "match book" awaiting placement.
Who is the typical birth family? Are they Christians?
This surprised me: 26+ women who already have children and cannot provide for another. They are not typically Christian. We hope that through the process we can introduce them to Christ and show them what a functioning family unit really is.
Can you explain open adoption further? Does this mean frequent in person visits? Or just emails and photos?
4 visits a year. This can take place in any form and if necessary can be mediated by the agency.
What is the home study like? How long does it take?
3-6 months. Lots of paperwork. Criminal background, financials, personality tests, educational classes
Can you walk us through the entire process?
Application
Home study ppwk including visits
Education classes
Match book
Wait
How long does the entire process typically take, from sending in our application to baby in our house?
Once we get into the match book it typically takes one year to have an infant in our house. *more on this later*
Can we get a family history? (genetic diseases, parents/ grandparents)
Yes
Are there any other adoptive parents that we can get connected with through the agency? Like a support group?
Yes, through our education classes.
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These are just a few of the questions we asked Summer and felt like y'all would be curious about. If you're feeling even more nosy please email me or post in the comments!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Of all the questions
Our meeting is in T - 5 days...Monday. It's our first meeting with our social worker and an opportunity to learn more about the agency, the timeline of events, and to ask questions. So why do I feel like I can't think of any proper questions? I'm bamboozled! I can think of a few about money, being that I do accounting for a living this seems natural. And a lot of what-if questions. Like what if the birth mother wants the baby back, how long does she have to decide. But other than that...How come I am brain farting on this?
In other news, our immediate families are now all in the know. My parents and brother seem pumped. I guess this means that friends and the general public are next in line for the tellin'!
In other news, our immediate families are now all in the know. My parents and brother seem pumped. I guess this means that friends and the general public are next in line for the tellin'!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Well received
I don't anticipate well nor do I like surprises nor do I have any patience but despite my nerves and being either on the verge of tears or the verge of barfing, we made it through and told the majority of our families! Everyone seems happy and supportive and I am SO relieved its over! But boy am I in for it! I feel like Gods really gonna force me to work on that patience thing through this...
Part of me wonders if our families don't feel at least a smidgen of the sadness we felt before we decided this was the way (as if we actually decided anything). Like does BabyB have his nose or hers? Does BabyB like peaches, because Pop never did. Those kinds of things. And then part of me says, who cares. BabyB will be as much a part of Nick and I as any other part of our family is. Like Stitch said, "ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind". He didn't say, "ohana means 'great I got Dads ears'" or whatever. I'm pretty sure he meant that family isn't just the people you happen to be related to by DNA. Its the people you make your family.
*interpretations of Hawaiian words, actual meanings of words or sayings or anything else implied are all assumed correct because we know a chick from Hawaii.
Part of me wonders if our families don't feel at least a smidgen of the sadness we felt before we decided this was the way (as if we actually decided anything). Like does BabyB have his nose or hers? Does BabyB like peaches, because Pop never did. Those kinds of things. And then part of me says, who cares. BabyB will be as much a part of Nick and I as any other part of our family is. Like Stitch said, "ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind". He didn't say, "ohana means 'great I got Dads ears'" or whatever. I'm pretty sure he meant that family isn't just the people you happen to be related to by DNA. Its the people you make your family.
*interpretations of Hawaiian words, actual meanings of words or sayings or anything else implied are all assumed correct because we know a chick from Hawaii.
Friday, August 19, 2011
In the beginning
There were two, Nick and I. It seems like moments after we were married we started trying. And trying. And nothing. We saw doctors and did the testing and some treatments and...nothing. Nothing worked and nothing was wrong with either of us.
God worked on us through all of this. He knew that I needed to know that it wasn't me or Nick, it was Him. (ya know, God gave me the ol, "its not you, its Me" line) My plan was obviously to get pregnant and be beautiful and barefoot (somewhere in there we would win the lotto) and all would be well and fine in the world. Instead, God told us, there's nothing wrong with you, this just isn't the way I have planned for you. Focus on me and I will show you. So we did. Eventually. But first we did a lot of crying and fighting. I felt like, I hear what You're sayin' Man, but I just can't believe it. I began to pray for acceptance, peace in my heart and for God to enlighten me to His Plan. Show it to me whatever way You know I'll listen!
We had vaguely discussed adoption/fostering but more and more it became clear that adoption was in The Plan He was trying to show us. At church one day they made an announcement that a Christian adoption agency was coming to the church. I felt like that was Gods big neon sign, Look Here! Its The Plan! ...we meet with our social worker in two Mondays!
God worked on us through all of this. He knew that I needed to know that it wasn't me or Nick, it was Him. (ya know, God gave me the ol, "its not you, its Me" line) My plan was obviously to get pregnant and be beautiful and barefoot (somewhere in there we would win the lotto) and all would be well and fine in the world. Instead, God told us, there's nothing wrong with you, this just isn't the way I have planned for you. Focus on me and I will show you. So we did. Eventually. But first we did a lot of crying and fighting. I felt like, I hear what You're sayin' Man, but I just can't believe it. I began to pray for acceptance, peace in my heart and for God to enlighten me to His Plan. Show it to me whatever way You know I'll listen!
We had vaguely discussed adoption/fostering but more and more it became clear that adoption was in The Plan He was trying to show us. At church one day they made an announcement that a Christian adoption agency was coming to the church. I felt like that was Gods big neon sign, Look Here! Its The Plan! ...we meet with our social worker in two Mondays!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
So here it goes
Again...cuz I started one before and...fail. This time I have something better to write about...or rather a purpose, a direction I guess. Adoption. Yep that's it. Scary and exciting and nerve wracking and yay, all in one. We're just at the beginning though so mostly its, "Huh, I dunno what she's gonna ask" and "Huh, me either, Google?" "Ya, okay". Lots of convo's in our house go like this.
Back on track. We've submitted our application, our application fee check has cashed, which makes it so much more official, our case worker has called to set up the meeting...and that brings us to today.
Until another day when I detail more about the road that brought us here.
Back on track. We've submitted our application, our application fee check has cashed, which makes it so much more official, our case worker has called to set up the meeting...and that brings us to today.
Until another day when I detail more about the road that brought us here.
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