Good Grief

I have been dreading the grief class since they sent us the first paperwork months ago. I am a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of person, so you’ll always know how I’m feeling. And nearly all my feelings are associated with tears. Varying types of happiness and sadness bring tears out. If you are crying, I am crying. I cry because I’m emotional and I really care about whatever the subject is. I cry with good news because I’m overwhelmed with happiness, I cry with bad new because I’m overwhelmed with sadness. If you donate to help us bring Baby B home, I will cry big ol’ fat crocodile tears. If you prayed over us to get pregnant, I was cryin'! It’s how you know I’m a real person. And I'm okay with it. Except I hate crying in front of other people. I think it makes them uncomfortable and in turn I am uncomfortable in my happiness or sadness. Perhaps y'all should start crying when I do… ;)

So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.

Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.