This class we learned about covenants and boundaries. We liked it.
A covenant is like a contract but instead of being bound by the strong arm of the law you're bound by your heart and your word. Much more serious. Here are a few things we learned about covenants that God has made with us:
Edenic - God promised Adam life and blessings, just don't eat from the tree. Hmmm...
Adamic - He did it anyway. God promised pain at childbirth for women and backbreaking work for men.
Noahic - God wont destroy the Earth through flood again.
Moseic - God says to obey His commandments and He will bless us.
New Covenant - Enter Jesus. God loved us so much but He knew that we would still be silly little humans so He sends Jesus. Can I get an Amen?
We make this covenant with mainly the BM but it could be the BF, the BGma or BGpa. In this case the covenant is setting up general boundaries and promises in regards to the child. It would go something like this:
We will meet with you such and such amount of times a year. So and so can or cannot be present at the meetings. We will send pictures at major events. You will notify us if you receive medical information that we need to know. We will notify you if the child has a serious illness, etc. It can include phone call times and amounts, email amounts, gift dollar amounts and times to send gifts. It can be as general or specific as you like but the most important part is that all parties are willing to follow through with the terms placed in the covenant.
Good stuff. Good class. Our first meeting for our home study is in less than a week. We have one more class. (Can I get another Amen...jk!)
In other news...I think Nick is a superhero. I have been sickly but feeling mostly better now. The only thing is this nightly cough. In my sleep the cough creeps in and wakes me up and I can't stop it. Several times a night. I have been late for work and dragging you know what all day. Then I get home and can't sleep. Pair my coughing and extremely heavy breathing (so he says) together and you get me wondering how the heck he pops out of bed at 445am and darts off to work moments later. Superhero, that's how.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Class 5 (& a question for you, yes you)
Oh yeah! Nick and I actually enjoyed a class! Fifth times a charm I guess. This class was focused on the birthparent experience. Nick had been looking forward to this class since the beginning. The first part of the class consisted of the instructor NOT reading to us directly from our paperwork and more of her talking. Point for them! The last half of the class the agency brought in a couple that had adopted a baby and the birthmother (BM) that had chosen them as the parents. Really neat. True life experience rules in my world.
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
The BM spoke about how she came to be pregnant and what her situation was and the parents spoke about how they chose adoption and the journey they had been on. I will not divulge too many personal details because their story is not mine to tell, but I really hope that we have a BM like her. She was so happy and excited to give this couple a baby that they so desperately desired. She knew and accepted that she could not parent the way she wanted her child to be parented and taken care of. She was so confident. It was startling. I do not imagine that most BMs are like her. I imagine they are scared out of their minds. I imagine they feel judged and ostracized on all sorts of levels. Maybe she did feel a little bit of that, it didn't show though. I felt like she grasped how great the gift adoption is and how wonderful it was that God was outwardly and visibly using her in His plan. (I just answered my own question...wow light bulb....see below).
The parents talked about the hospital experience and spending time with the BM. The father spoke about how he didn't feel what he thought was instinct kick in until about a week after the baby arrived. I felt really connected to that statement because I too worry that I won't have that maternal instinct the second I hold the baby. It all seemed so normal, like they were extended family. I pray that this is our experience. We want a BM that is happy to be used by God and I pray that the BF feels the same and that he wants to be involved.
This class was really neat and I'm glad that we got to experience it. AND! We don't have class next week and after that we only have TWO MORE! So fantastical. OH YA! We are starting the home study! Our social worker called us and told us that we could officially move forward! So our first home study meeting with her is in a few weeks. Exciting stuff!
So here is my question for you all:
When I am sharing my values and moral standards with my child, how will I respond when he/she says, "But my BM was pregnant with me before she got married..."?
(Insert Jeopardy music here)
I could not come up with an answer. This question will happen. I want the best answer and I just don't know it. We need to be very clear but we also need to be very sensitive. So what do you think? We wont be using the words "mistake" and "accident" because they are inappropriate and also incorrect. God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't have accidents. I realized above that God was using the BM in His plan but how do we make it clear that sex outside of marriage is not Gods desire for us but yes, babychild you did come from a sex outside of marriage situation. See, its a tough one. I can refute everything I've come up with. Feel free to leave your CLEAR and SENSITIVE suggestions in the comments or on my Facebook post.
Til next time friendies!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Class 4 and more
Just a quick one to keep you all up to date:
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
We had our very first garage sale and according to the professional garage sale-ers we did really well! All our friends helped us out so much it was incredible! Friends donated items, showed up on garage sale day and dealt with hagglers, made and hung up signs, priced items, organized set up and tear down both days, brought donuts and coffee and listed and re-listed and updated our Craigslist posts. We really felt the love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you. You know how much you mean to us.
We had class 4 last Tuesday. This means we are half way through. I am thrilled! This class was on raising the adopted child. Lots more of reading directly to us from the paper they gave us. We were read to about attachment and nurturing and we watched another video from the 80s or 90s. The last class they made us watch Oprah from the 80s. I was so distracted by the hair and the makeup and the getups, oh my! Also, we are about to begin our homestudy so that's exciting and interesting!
That's all for now!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Good Grief
I have been dreading the grief class since they sent us the first paperwork months ago. I am a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of person, so you’ll always know how I’m feeling. And nearly all my feelings are associated with tears. Varying types of happiness and sadness bring tears out. If you are crying, I am crying. I cry because I’m emotional and I really care about whatever the subject is. I cry with good news because I’m overwhelmed with happiness, I cry with bad new because I’m overwhelmed with sadness. If you donate to help us bring Baby B home, I will cry big ol’ fat crocodile tears. If you prayed over us to get pregnant, I was cryin'! It’s how you know I’m a real person. And I'm okay with it. Except I hate crying in front of other people. I think it makes them uncomfortable and in turn I am uncomfortable in my happiness or sadness. Perhaps y'all should start crying when I do… ;)
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
So needless to say, I'd been praying that I wouldn’t get too emotional in this particular class. Didn’t happen. I cried. Briefly. Another wife did too when she told her story. Another wife didn’t cry at all and her story made my heart break. Everyone’s different I guess.
Here is the thing with my grief. I am over being sad. I don’t wallow for long. I want to feel happiness and joy. I don’t hate babies and pregnant people and I’m not avoiding church on Mother’s Day, I suck it up. I will have moments of sadness but I will lean on God to grow me and get me through. I don’t want to relive crappy things so that we can all feel miserable and sorry for ourselves and each other. PASS. Revisit it when you feel you need to and I’m glad to accompany you on the road to gloom and pull you out when it’s been too long or too deep. I hope for the same from you whenever I revisit my grief.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)