...so I'm posting twice in one day. I want to elaborate on the match book and the fees a bit more.
Right now we are in the process of filling out all the paperwork and getting set up for our education classes. Once our home study is approved and all our education is complete, we can enter the (drum roll) match book! TADA! The match book is a collection of information on other folks like us. We create a sort of ad for ourselves, like a resume but approximately 100x more important. I am not as concerned about the match book itself (for now anyway!) but more concerned about what Summer warned us about entering the match book. Hypothetical situation time. Its February and we've finished the home study and the education. We create our *resume* and put it in the match book. BAM! Because we're so rad a birth mother picks us right away. Lots of things happen and before we know it someone is handing us a baby and telling us what court to show up to, to make everything final. When we go to the court to make everything final, we cut a check to the agency for the full placement fee. Summer suggested that before we enter the match book we have our agency fee ready to be written, because it really could happen that fast. Not typically, but in this situation...nothing is typical. Not sure if y'all caught that...we likely will not enter the match book until we have our fee completely ready to be sent to the agency. From the time you DO enter the match book, its give or take 1 year to be placed with an infant. The longer we hold out on the match book, the longer it could take for BabyB to come home to us.
This is where we talk about fees. If talking about money makes you squeamish, RUN. FOR. THE. HILLS. (I'd lead the way if I could) Our fee seems like a daunting number, in fact, it is. It makes me go, um really, what do you expect us to raise the kid with...maize and beads? I don't think they will give me diapers in exchange for that...But I'm reminded by my more level headed compadres that the number is only daunting ALONE. Which we aren't. God brought us here because He knew we could handle it. He has provided for us when we (me) really didn't know how we would get by. Ask me about the "escrow and the bill" story some time. I truly do believe that God will provide us with enough money to cover these fees.
So here's where we hit you guys up for money, look out! We ask that you would prayerfully consider donating ANY amount you can to help us with our agency fee. I'm going to add PayPal to the blog as soon as I can figure all that out. *Disclaimer - PayPal is slightly stingy and will make us pay a percentage fee on every donation* For me personally, its easier to just pull the card out and make it happen, so I understand the need for PayPal. On the other hand, if you would prefer to do some good old fashioned check writing, all of your donation to bring BabyB home will go directly to that fund. Or cash. Or the spare change in your couch. If you feel like you just can't help us out financially would you consider donating your gently used items to us so that we can add them to our garage sale pile? We plan on having a sale in October sometime when the weather is less like death. Does anyone have any other ideas for raising money?
Here are a few things that, if you're a praying person, we could use prayer for:
+We ask that God would be softening the heart of the birth mother. She may not even be pregnant right now but God knows her and He's already chosen the baby that will be ours.
+We ask that the baby He's chosen for us would be cared for while growing in her body.
+We ask that God would show us new opportunities to raise money to cover our fee.
+We ask for prayer that we would not become frustrated with each other, the process, the money or any other "thing". That we would be focused and completely trusting of Gods will for us.
Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other believers, as you still do.
If you guys have any questions AT ALL please email me, text me or leave a comment. We don't want to keep anything from you if you really are pressed to discuss something!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Our first meeting!
I am beyond tired today but I know the peeps demand it! Forgive me if none of this makes sense... Yesterday we met with Summer our social worker. We had a bunch of questions and got them all answered. Summer asked us questions and of course a few set me off and I may have gotten a little teary eyed. I am an emotional creature, what can I say...
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Here is a brief synopsis of the information we now have.
What if the birth family becomes more able to parent the child after the adoption is finalized, can they petition the courts to get the child back?
Nope
How long after the birth does the birth family have to decide to keep the baby?
72+ hours after the birth. Some cases have gone to 2 weeks. (eek!)
How many newborns have you placed in the last year?
38
Are children placed from different states or mostly in your home state? If we travel to another state are those fees covered in our fee to the agency?
Children are placed from your home state. If you do find another birth parent out of state, they can help arrange it but the fees change.
Are we able to make monthly payments?
No. You would assume that people working with a Christian agency would, ya know, pay their bills to the agency...not the case. I don’t even want to imagine what happened in those cases...like if you don’t pay your car payment, they take your car...let your mind wander on that one.
How do you determine how much we will pay?
A portion is predetermined and a portion is based on your income. Although there is a cap on the total fees the agency will accept regardless of income. *to be discussed later on*
What if the birth family chooses us and we go through the entire process and they back out?
No extra fees. You go back in the "match book" awaiting placement.
Who is the typical birth family? Are they Christians?
This surprised me: 26+ women who already have children and cannot provide for another. They are not typically Christian. We hope that through the process we can introduce them to Christ and show them what a functioning family unit really is.
Can you explain open adoption further? Does this mean frequent in person visits? Or just emails and photos?
4 visits a year. This can take place in any form and if necessary can be mediated by the agency.
What is the home study like? How long does it take?
3-6 months. Lots of paperwork. Criminal background, financials, personality tests, educational classes
Can you walk us through the entire process?
Application
Home study ppwk including visits
Education classes
Match book
Wait
How long does the entire process typically take, from sending in our application to baby in our house?
Once we get into the match book it typically takes one year to have an infant in our house. *more on this later*
Can we get a family history? (genetic diseases, parents/ grandparents)
Yes
Are there any other adoptive parents that we can get connected with through the agency? Like a support group?
Yes, through our education classes.
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These are just a few of the questions we asked Summer and felt like y'all would be curious about. If you're feeling even more nosy please email me or post in the comments!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is a brief synopsis of the information we now have.
What if the birth family becomes more able to parent the child after the adoption is finalized, can they petition the courts to get the child back?
Nope
How long after the birth does the birth family have to decide to keep the baby?
72+ hours after the birth. Some cases have gone to 2 weeks. (eek!)
How many newborns have you placed in the last year?
38
Are children placed from different states or mostly in your home state? If we travel to another state are those fees covered in our fee to the agency?
Children are placed from your home state. If you do find another birth parent out of state, they can help arrange it but the fees change.
Are we able to make monthly payments?
No. You would assume that people working with a Christian agency would, ya know, pay their bills to the agency...not the case. I don’t even want to imagine what happened in those cases...like if you don’t pay your car payment, they take your car...let your mind wander on that one.
How do you determine how much we will pay?
A portion is predetermined and a portion is based on your income. Although there is a cap on the total fees the agency will accept regardless of income. *to be discussed later on*
What if the birth family chooses us and we go through the entire process and they back out?
No extra fees. You go back in the "match book" awaiting placement.
Who is the typical birth family? Are they Christians?
This surprised me: 26+ women who already have children and cannot provide for another. They are not typically Christian. We hope that through the process we can introduce them to Christ and show them what a functioning family unit really is.
Can you explain open adoption further? Does this mean frequent in person visits? Or just emails and photos?
4 visits a year. This can take place in any form and if necessary can be mediated by the agency.
What is the home study like? How long does it take?
3-6 months. Lots of paperwork. Criminal background, financials, personality tests, educational classes
Can you walk us through the entire process?
Application
Home study ppwk including visits
Education classes
Match book
Wait
How long does the entire process typically take, from sending in our application to baby in our house?
Once we get into the match book it typically takes one year to have an infant in our house. *more on this later*
Can we get a family history? (genetic diseases, parents/ grandparents)
Yes
Are there any other adoptive parents that we can get connected with through the agency? Like a support group?
Yes, through our education classes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are just a few of the questions we asked Summer and felt like y'all would be curious about. If you're feeling even more nosy please email me or post in the comments!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Of all the questions
Our meeting is in T - 5 days...Monday. It's our first meeting with our social worker and an opportunity to learn more about the agency, the timeline of events, and to ask questions. So why do I feel like I can't think of any proper questions? I'm bamboozled! I can think of a few about money, being that I do accounting for a living this seems natural. And a lot of what-if questions. Like what if the birth mother wants the baby back, how long does she have to decide. But other than that...How come I am brain farting on this?
In other news, our immediate families are now all in the know. My parents and brother seem pumped. I guess this means that friends and the general public are next in line for the tellin'!
In other news, our immediate families are now all in the know. My parents and brother seem pumped. I guess this means that friends and the general public are next in line for the tellin'!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Well received
I don't anticipate well nor do I like surprises nor do I have any patience but despite my nerves and being either on the verge of tears or the verge of barfing, we made it through and told the majority of our families! Everyone seems happy and supportive and I am SO relieved its over! But boy am I in for it! I feel like Gods really gonna force me to work on that patience thing through this...
Part of me wonders if our families don't feel at least a smidgen of the sadness we felt before we decided this was the way (as if we actually decided anything). Like does BabyB have his nose or hers? Does BabyB like peaches, because Pop never did. Those kinds of things. And then part of me says, who cares. BabyB will be as much a part of Nick and I as any other part of our family is. Like Stitch said, "ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind". He didn't say, "ohana means 'great I got Dads ears'" or whatever. I'm pretty sure he meant that family isn't just the people you happen to be related to by DNA. Its the people you make your family.
*interpretations of Hawaiian words, actual meanings of words or sayings or anything else implied are all assumed correct because we know a chick from Hawaii.
Part of me wonders if our families don't feel at least a smidgen of the sadness we felt before we decided this was the way (as if we actually decided anything). Like does BabyB have his nose or hers? Does BabyB like peaches, because Pop never did. Those kinds of things. And then part of me says, who cares. BabyB will be as much a part of Nick and I as any other part of our family is. Like Stitch said, "ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind". He didn't say, "ohana means 'great I got Dads ears'" or whatever. I'm pretty sure he meant that family isn't just the people you happen to be related to by DNA. Its the people you make your family.
*interpretations of Hawaiian words, actual meanings of words or sayings or anything else implied are all assumed correct because we know a chick from Hawaii.
Friday, August 19, 2011
In the beginning
There were two, Nick and I. It seems like moments after we were married we started trying. And trying. And nothing. We saw doctors and did the testing and some treatments and...nothing. Nothing worked and nothing was wrong with either of us.
God worked on us through all of this. He knew that I needed to know that it wasn't me or Nick, it was Him. (ya know, God gave me the ol, "its not you, its Me" line) My plan was obviously to get pregnant and be beautiful and barefoot (somewhere in there we would win the lotto) and all would be well and fine in the world. Instead, God told us, there's nothing wrong with you, this just isn't the way I have planned for you. Focus on me and I will show you. So we did. Eventually. But first we did a lot of crying and fighting. I felt like, I hear what You're sayin' Man, but I just can't believe it. I began to pray for acceptance, peace in my heart and for God to enlighten me to His Plan. Show it to me whatever way You know I'll listen!
We had vaguely discussed adoption/fostering but more and more it became clear that adoption was in The Plan He was trying to show us. At church one day they made an announcement that a Christian adoption agency was coming to the church. I felt like that was Gods big neon sign, Look Here! Its The Plan! ...we meet with our social worker in two Mondays!
God worked on us through all of this. He knew that I needed to know that it wasn't me or Nick, it was Him. (ya know, God gave me the ol, "its not you, its Me" line) My plan was obviously to get pregnant and be beautiful and barefoot (somewhere in there we would win the lotto) and all would be well and fine in the world. Instead, God told us, there's nothing wrong with you, this just isn't the way I have planned for you. Focus on me and I will show you. So we did. Eventually. But first we did a lot of crying and fighting. I felt like, I hear what You're sayin' Man, but I just can't believe it. I began to pray for acceptance, peace in my heart and for God to enlighten me to His Plan. Show it to me whatever way You know I'll listen!
We had vaguely discussed adoption/fostering but more and more it became clear that adoption was in The Plan He was trying to show us. At church one day they made an announcement that a Christian adoption agency was coming to the church. I felt like that was Gods big neon sign, Look Here! Its The Plan! ...we meet with our social worker in two Mondays!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
So here it goes
Again...cuz I started one before and...fail. This time I have something better to write about...or rather a purpose, a direction I guess. Adoption. Yep that's it. Scary and exciting and nerve wracking and yay, all in one. We're just at the beginning though so mostly its, "Huh, I dunno what she's gonna ask" and "Huh, me either, Google?" "Ya, okay". Lots of convo's in our house go like this.
Back on track. We've submitted our application, our application fee check has cashed, which makes it so much more official, our case worker has called to set up the meeting...and that brings us to today.
Until another day when I detail more about the road that brought us here.
Back on track. We've submitted our application, our application fee check has cashed, which makes it so much more official, our case worker has called to set up the meeting...and that brings us to today.
Until another day when I detail more about the road that brought us here.
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