Apparently I forgot I had blog. Oops. Sorry dear followers/stalkers!
Home study - We had our social worker over to the casa a bit ago. I won't say how long because that would define how long I've been away from posting. The actual home viewing was much less intrusive than I suspected it would be. She looked at all the rooms, noted our flooring and saw the backyard. She likes the paint in the kitchen. (Me too! So fun!) The End. So simple. We also did a little genealogy exercise. We drew our family tree out to our grandparents and all our aunts and uncles and cousins and all them. Then we talked a bit about those relationships. Not the funnest thing but not the worst. Our next meeting is very soon. Of course I am nervous about it. It's solo. EEK.
Uh hmmm. What else...turns out y'all haven't missed much adoption wise. We wait a lot. I'm actually not disturbed by this, which is so un-me. Gosh I wish I had more information and/or thoughts/feelings/emotions/SOMETHING to convey to you guys but I'm just so blank right now.
Okey doke! Well I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule so as to not let you all down!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Class 7 & Home Study Part 1
It's over! It's over, over, over! I feel so relieved. Looking back, I'm 50/50 on the classes. Some were worthless and just plain annoying to me but some were actually informative and I'm glad to have been there.
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
The last class was on special needs and transracial adoption. They went over the effects of alcohol and drugs in-utero and what you can expect should the toxins reach the baby and how to handle it. They went over going into a transracial adoption (where your child is a different race or culture than you two are). Getting into support groups is really important for both situations. Exposing your child to other children that are the same race or culture that they are is super important. Understanding and accepting that children exposed to drugs and/or alcohol can have life long effects. Being aware of racism and that it is alive and well. Even if we don't feel it or see it or even believe that it still exists in our society, it does. For all races. Fairly common knowledge, at least to Nick and I. Normally in this class they have a family come in that's raising a special needs child and a family that's raising a transracial child but both were sick so that was a bummer.
We had our first home study meeting this week. Our social worker met with us and we discussed our responses to our Temper Tantrum Tests. There are a few questions that are markers that need to be discussed so we went over those specifically. One question was something like, "Do you feel contempt for men who are unwilling to get a job?". Nick and I both marked yes, as in hell yes get a job, lazy. We had to explain to her that we don't hate these men, as the trick word "contempt" may lead you to believe, but we do feel that, if able-bodied, we should work. If its a pride thing then it needs to be handled, supporting your family is more important than any pride you may feel. The test had a lot of these trick words like "always", "never", etc. Explaining and discussing our responses to some of these marker questions helps her write the report on us that's presented to the agency and then the courts. We have a home meeting, then we have a meeting where she meets with us individually, and then together and that's normally it. I say normally because things could change and we may have more meetings. All good.
Nick and I have been lightly discussing "the room" which we also discussed with our social worker. When we first moved into our house we had "the room" as the office. Then we decided that that room should be the baby room (because we were going to get pregnant and have a baby right away!). So we moved the office. The office came along just right but "the room" did not, obviously. Pretty soon that room became more like a burden to me to even have in our house so the door shut and it became a catch all junk room. This room just made me sad that all our plans were failed and we were so lost and so off from the plan. I'm getting emotional just thinking about how hard those times were for us and how lost we really were. God was at work in the ugly times and He has renewed our spirit and has given us hope. The door to this room is now open and its cleaned out for the most part. Its on its way, getting ready to fulfill its purpose! You see where this is leading? STUFF! I want stuff! Little stuff, stuff that doesn't define a gender but stuff that says, "A baby is coming, holla!" (ya, our stuff says that) Now, stuff can hurt you and we are both well aware of that which is why we talked with our social worker about it. She informed us that as long as neither of us is being hurt by the stuff and we are respecting each others boundaries and emotions towards the stuff then its okay. But it is best to not run out and buy a bunch of stuff to furnish a room and clothe a child until we know, know. It may hurt to have stuff for a baby in a room for a baby that just sits there for months and months. But it may bring hope and joy knowing that stuff is for our baby, that's coming, in time. Did I say "stuff" enough? Stuff. We were told that, at a minimum, we need a car seat, some diapers and probably a bassinet.
And she also told us that a lot of the time, while we are away dealing with baby business, our small group, friends, and family, throw everything together like some sort of magical working party with mad painting and assembling and organizing skills...just sayin'... ;)
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