The last time I posted my daughter was seven months old. In less than three weeks she will be TWO. That's 711 days. Where did time go? I find myself saying that a lot lately. In regards to a lot of things. I don't have time to make any of the doctor's appointments that I need, which total between 3-4, depending on if its time for my eye check. I don't have time to remember to check if I need to see them yet. I probably don't have time to revive this blog...
This post is not about missing time, oddly enough. I actually don't have a topic for this post except that something has been nagging at me to revive my blog. Part of me thinks its because I have been bookmarking and reading a lot of adoption blogs lately. I really like reading blogs and learning about other people's experiences and opinions. I feel encouraged and enlightened and a little less alone when I read about other people's adoption stories. I like to think that people reading my blog might feel the same way. That maybe something I said comforted someone, letting them know they're normal and also not alone. I truly hope that some of my posts will be seen by mothers-in-wait, whose hearts are broken and adoption hopes are floundering, and they just don't know what's next or how to get there. I hope that they will be comforted by the fact that someone else has walked in their very shoes; been there, done that sister.
I've also been thinking about using my blog to update about Stella. I write to her in a journal that I hope to give her someday but I think I would like to write about her here. I have hardly a thing from my own childhood. (I do have my memories. I remember jumping off a trunk in my Meme's living room, truly believing I could fly off of it if I just jumped one more time...) I love history and reading other people's stories and I would love for Stella to have this available to her if she's into it too.
So I guess the topic of my post is that I'm reviving my blog and I'll write about whatever I want!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Friday, May 31, 2013
May. Seven Months.
I follow a few adoption blogs and I'm always super excited when there is an update and then I'm all let down when there isn't. Is that how you guys feel about this blog?! Hehe.
Stella is amazing.
She loves anything that is not a baby toy like water bottles, boxes, dog bowls.
She is inquisitive. I love watching her furrow her perfect little eyebrows when she finds something new to investigate.
She fake cries. It's kind of funny. Kind of.
She went in the pool for the first time and loves it! It was so cute watching her in the pool floaty.
She took her very first step yesterday. She should be running in no time. Good thing we've been doing cardio. Every milestone is so exciting.
She mimics us which is really neat. We will hum or make mouth noises and she does it back and thinks its hilarious.
One of the things that is so dear to me is when I go to her in the morning. She's usually standing at the edge of her crib with her pacifier, peeking out, waiting with her sleep-puffy face. When I come in she looks at me and smiles and my heart just melts. I want to squeeze her. And then I do. And its awesome.
We do have an adoption specific update...we're finalizing June 20!! Our social worker came by last week to write her final report. In this report we are asked if we want anything specific written about Stella or our new lives for the file where it is recorded and saved forever. I wanted to really throw myself into something spectacular but Nick wanted to freestyle something. So I didn't plan anything. Which makes what we said all the more genuine and beautiful.
Stella is more blessing than we ever could have even imagined praying for. She is living, breathing, touchable, real proof that God's plan is so, so, so much better than ours could ever be.
Stella is amazing.
She loves anything that is not a baby toy like water bottles, boxes, dog bowls.
She is inquisitive. I love watching her furrow her perfect little eyebrows when she finds something new to investigate.
She fake cries. It's kind of funny. Kind of.
She went in the pool for the first time and loves it! It was so cute watching her in the pool floaty.
She took her very first step yesterday. She should be running in no time. Good thing we've been doing cardio. Every milestone is so exciting.
She mimics us which is really neat. We will hum or make mouth noises and she does it back and thinks its hilarious.
One of the things that is so dear to me is when I go to her in the morning. She's usually standing at the edge of her crib with her pacifier, peeking out, waiting with her sleep-puffy face. When I come in she looks at me and smiles and my heart just melts. I want to squeeze her. And then I do. And its awesome.
We do have an adoption specific update...we're finalizing June 20!! Our social worker came by last week to write her final report. In this report we are asked if we want anything specific written about Stella or our new lives for the file where it is recorded and saved forever. I wanted to really throw myself into something spectacular but Nick wanted to freestyle something. So I didn't plan anything. Which makes what we said all the more genuine and beautiful.
Stella is more blessing than we ever could have even imagined praying for. She is living, breathing, touchable, real proof that God's plan is so, so, so much better than ours could ever be.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
April. Six Months.
There's a baby in my bed and she's 6 months old. Can you even believe how good God is?!
I remember a particularly difficult growth opportunity before Stella came home. I don't remember if I described it here but for some reason it is on my heart right now.
I was informed one day by our social worker that before we could proceed and get into the match book I would need to attend therapy for reasons outside my control. I was unhappy. I was bitter. I was struggling. For some reason I was mad at the messenger. Our social worker was just relaying requirements to us. I put off even finding someone to see. I held on to it for what felt like a long time. Until one day I was driving home from work and God decided - that's enough kiddo. I had on Audrey Assad's song "Sparrow" and I was belting it out when something started happening. I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring inside me, my heart was beating wildly, I was getting choked up and then these verses trickled out of my car:
Why should I be troubled
When His tender word I hear
No, I'll rest on His goodness
In my doubt and in my fear
I. Lost. It. I lost it so much that I had to pull over and sob hysterically until I could compose myself enough to drive the rest of the way home *just* crying, into the driveway and into the house where I confessed to Nick all of the horrible feelings I had been having. I was weightless afterwards. I got on God's plan again and found a great therapist. I saw her alone and with Nick and I started to look forward to seeing her. I even started to feel comfortable in my baby-less-ness. I was able to accept that I didn't have a baby right when I wanted one and enjoy being a family of two. You know that saying Let Go and Let God...I felt so free.
I feel like God needs you to suffer through some really tough things in order for you to be able to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings He is going to pour into your life. God is constantly working on me. Whether I am discovering things the very hard way or I am seeing God's lessons play out right in front of me.
Last night I was rocking this little angel. She was long passed out but I kept on and I started to pray. I found myself thanking God for the struggles He pushed me through and for not giving up on a broken little kid who needs and loves Him.
I remember a particularly difficult growth opportunity before Stella came home. I don't remember if I described it here but for some reason it is on my heart right now.
I was informed one day by our social worker that before we could proceed and get into the match book I would need to attend therapy for reasons outside my control. I was unhappy. I was bitter. I was struggling. For some reason I was mad at the messenger. Our social worker was just relaying requirements to us. I put off even finding someone to see. I held on to it for what felt like a long time. Until one day I was driving home from work and God decided - that's enough kiddo. I had on Audrey Assad's song "Sparrow" and I was belting it out when something started happening. I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring inside me, my heart was beating wildly, I was getting choked up and then these verses trickled out of my car:
Why should I be troubled
When His tender word I hear
No, I'll rest on His goodness
In my doubt and in my fear
I. Lost. It. I lost it so much that I had to pull over and sob hysterically until I could compose myself enough to drive the rest of the way home *just* crying, into the driveway and into the house where I confessed to Nick all of the horrible feelings I had been having. I was weightless afterwards. I got on God's plan again and found a great therapist. I saw her alone and with Nick and I started to look forward to seeing her. I even started to feel comfortable in my baby-less-ness. I was able to accept that I didn't have a baby right when I wanted one and enjoy being a family of two. You know that saying Let Go and Let God...I felt so free.
I feel like God needs you to suffer through some really tough things in order for you to be able to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings He is going to pour into your life. God is constantly working on me. Whether I am discovering things the very hard way or I am seeing God's lessons play out right in front of me.
Last night I was rocking this little angel. She was long passed out but I kept on and I started to pray. I found myself thanking God for the struggles He pushed me through and for not giving up on a broken little kid who needs and loves Him.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Update
The last time I posted was in the same month that Stella was born! So I'm a bad blogger now. I'm okay with that.
We had Thanksgiving where Stella poopied on Great Gramma's couch. Oops.
We had Christmas where Stella was spoiled rotten and caught her first cold.
We had Stella's Great Meme and Great Auntie come all the way from Oklahoma just to see her. Okay, they kind of wanted to see us too...I'm sure...
We had New Years Eve where Stella was the belle of the ball with her, "this is my little black dress" onesie, black glitter pants, and sparkle glitter shoes.
We had Mama going back to work. I cried for a few days prior to leaving her and on the day of I felt really peaceful which is what I had been praying about.
Stella is growing so quickly and hitting all her milestones and much more. She started rolling over officially a couple of weeks ago. Last Wednesday we saw her "scoot" on her belly. She wanted a toy that was a little too far away and she heaved herself towards it and got it! She does that consistently now and it is SO cool to see! Who knew that I would be so thrilled by a scoot! Full on crawling is not too far away, I just know it! We have been tickling Stella and getting some response for a while now but last night I tickled her and she full on giggled! Like the giggles you see of babies on YouTube. Big stimulus, big response. It was spectacular! HAHA, you would have thought she shot a bow and arrow. Nicholas slightly burned the steaks because we were so fascinated!
We met with Stella's birthmother. We are both SO glad that we have a relationship with her. It is so important to have that connection to where Stella came from.
We also had our child dedication class and our date for having Stella dedicated is MOTHERS DAY! I was already prepared for being an emotional mess that day but THIS IS NEXT LEVEL. Ah, waiting for almost four years to become a mother and my very first Mother's Day I'm going to have my very own baby dedicated?! I'm sure to be a blubbering disaster.
We met with our social worker today and she had nothing but awesome things to say. There is a little "test" that she did where she held Stella while Nicholas and I were in the room. If Stella is properly bonding and attaching to us she will look at the social worker, break eye contact, and then search for us. She is looking for us to see if this person is okay. She trusts us and wants to see how we are reacting to the situation. She would look at our social worker, giggle and be adorable, and then immediately break contact and look for me or Nicholas. She also did it while she was in her exersaucer. It was so heartwarming to know that we're all just attaching and bonding and bonding and attaching!
As far as the adoption process goes we are just waiting for Pinal County to send our fingerprints to Maricopa County. After that happens our date for finalization will be set. I hardly ever think about it. We don't need the courts to tell us she's ours!
We had Thanksgiving where Stella poopied on Great Gramma's couch. Oops.
We had Christmas where Stella was spoiled rotten and caught her first cold.
We had Stella's Great Meme and Great Auntie come all the way from Oklahoma just to see her. Okay, they kind of wanted to see us too...I'm sure...
We had New Years Eve where Stella was the belle of the ball with her, "this is my little black dress" onesie, black glitter pants, and sparkle glitter shoes.
We had Mama going back to work. I cried for a few days prior to leaving her and on the day of I felt really peaceful which is what I had been praying about.
Stella is growing so quickly and hitting all her milestones and much more. She started rolling over officially a couple of weeks ago. Last Wednesday we saw her "scoot" on her belly. She wanted a toy that was a little too far away and she heaved herself towards it and got it! She does that consistently now and it is SO cool to see! Who knew that I would be so thrilled by a scoot! Full on crawling is not too far away, I just know it! We have been tickling Stella and getting some response for a while now but last night I tickled her and she full on giggled! Like the giggles you see of babies on YouTube. Big stimulus, big response. It was spectacular! HAHA, you would have thought she shot a bow and arrow. Nicholas slightly burned the steaks because we were so fascinated!
We met with Stella's birthmother. We are both SO glad that we have a relationship with her. It is so important to have that connection to where Stella came from.
We also had our child dedication class and our date for having Stella dedicated is MOTHERS DAY! I was already prepared for being an emotional mess that day but THIS IS NEXT LEVEL. Ah, waiting for almost four years to become a mother and my very first Mother's Day I'm going to have my very own baby dedicated?! I'm sure to be a blubbering disaster.
We met with our social worker today and she had nothing but awesome things to say. There is a little "test" that she did where she held Stella while Nicholas and I were in the room. If Stella is properly bonding and attaching to us she will look at the social worker, break eye contact, and then search for us. She is looking for us to see if this person is okay. She trusts us and wants to see how we are reacting to the situation. She would look at our social worker, giggle and be adorable, and then immediately break contact and look for me or Nicholas. She also did it while she was in her exersaucer. It was so heartwarming to know that we're all just attaching and bonding and bonding and attaching!
As far as the adoption process goes we are just waiting for Pinal County to send our fingerprints to Maricopa County. After that happens our date for finalization will be set. I hardly ever think about it. We don't need the courts to tell us she's ours!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Empty words = full heart
Brief overview of the past 22 days:
On Monday it was our turn to sign papers at the agency. Which meant I had to trudge on down to the bank and empty our 'Baby B' savings account. You know, the one that YOU helped build. Ah it got me so emotional. Have you ever wondered how much your friends are putting away for their kids college fund? Or what percentage they put into their savings account each month? Perhaps those things are on my mind because a lot of you have sacrificed those things for us. Its not just monetary either. You laid down at night and actually remembered to pray before you fell asleep and you spoke to God about us. You might have prayed for me to get pregnant or you prayed for Nick to be able to support my emotional needs or you prayed that we would continue to be faithful and not become bitter. Or you prayed for peace in the storm and acceptance of what God was telling us. Or you fasted. Any way you look at it, you sacrificed something for us. I can't even begin to explain what that means to us. Words that have been written in a card might as well be empty because the feeling in my heart cannot be written down. We will never be able to express how grateful we are. We could not have asked to be surrounded by a more faithful, loving, group of people than those that God has hand picked to be in our book. God has used you to create a family and answer our most genuine, painful, faith-trying prayers. If you ever find yourself wondering what you've done for the Kingdom I hope that you remember this one time God asked you to step out in faith and be used by Him to change lives. In my book you get a "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Stella is pretty much awesome and we are growing to love her more and more each day. She makes all of these facial expressions, smiles a lot and even giggled the other day. I think she likes music. She does this little whimper thing when she eats and she's starting to make this other little noise that I can only explain as her trying to hear her voice. Its all so darling!
Not saying everything she does is fantastic. Our lack of sleep is not fantastic.
On Monday it was our turn to sign papers at the agency. Which meant I had to trudge on down to the bank and empty our 'Baby B' savings account. You know, the one that YOU helped build. Ah it got me so emotional. Have you ever wondered how much your friends are putting away for their kids college fund? Or what percentage they put into their savings account each month? Perhaps those things are on my mind because a lot of you have sacrificed those things for us. Its not just monetary either. You laid down at night and actually remembered to pray before you fell asleep and you spoke to God about us. You might have prayed for me to get pregnant or you prayed for Nick to be able to support my emotional needs or you prayed that we would continue to be faithful and not become bitter. Or you prayed for peace in the storm and acceptance of what God was telling us. Or you fasted. Any way you look at it, you sacrificed something for us. I can't even begin to explain what that means to us. Words that have been written in a card might as well be empty because the feeling in my heart cannot be written down. We will never be able to express how grateful we are. We could not have asked to be surrounded by a more faithful, loving, group of people than those that God has hand picked to be in our book. God has used you to create a family and answer our most genuine, painful, faith-trying prayers. If you ever find yourself wondering what you've done for the Kingdom I hope that you remember this one time God asked you to step out in faith and be used by Him to change lives. In my book you get a "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Adoption Update
I wanted to give y'all a quick update on what's been going on with the adoption!
We have met twice with the birthmother and once with the birthfather.
Her doctor had her on bed rest because she thought she was going to be early. Since we thought the baby was going to be here already, our friends and family threw us a Welcome Home party which turned into more of a baby themed party. It was awesome!
We fixed up her room, it's so pretty! We painted and assembled furniture...okay Nick mostly painted and assembled furniture. I helped move it in the room and wiped it off. I am not so handy and he really is so it works out.
So we've met the birth mother and father. Had her party, to which she no-showed (DI-VAAAH) Prepared her adorable room with purples and dark wood. All we need is...
Today is Stella's official due date and according to my cell phone log she is not here yet! Thinking that she would be here already and not having her here has been difficult for me. Every time my phone lights up or makes a noise I think, "this is it!". It is not it. I think about her almost every waking minute. And almost every sleeping minute. I am not God so I don't know when she will be here. I wish I did. I hate not knowing. All I do know is that she will be here when God delivers her; regardless of what the doctor says, or what the calendar says, or what I say! I do know that this...this right here...this wait...this is in God's wonderful plan and I don't need to fret about it.
We are very anxious to meet her and just waiting for the call and we know everyone else is waiting for our call. We are so appreciative of everyone's support and we love the excitement and will gladly fuel that fire with more information as soon as we have news to pass on! As of right now, we don't have any pertinent news to share but when we do it will be that we have a baby! So look out for our text, call or Facebook updates!
Here's to hoping the next post includes pictures of the five of us! (Lola and Faye...hello!!)
We have met twice with the birthmother and once with the birthfather.
Her doctor had her on bed rest because she thought she was going to be early. Since we thought the baby was going to be here already, our friends and family threw us a Welcome Home party which turned into more of a baby themed party. It was awesome!
We fixed up her room, it's so pretty! We painted and assembled furniture...okay Nick mostly painted and assembled furniture. I helped move it in the room and wiped it off. I am not so handy and he really is so it works out.
So we've met the birth mother and father. Had her party, to which she no-showed (DI-VAAAH) Prepared her adorable room with purples and dark wood. All we need is...
A BABY!
Today is Stella's official due date and according to my cell phone log she is not here yet! Thinking that she would be here already and not having her here has been difficult for me. Every time my phone lights up or makes a noise I think, "this is it!". It is not it. I think about her almost every waking minute. And almost every sleeping minute. I am not God so I don't know when she will be here. I wish I did. I hate not knowing. All I do know is that she will be here when God delivers her; regardless of what the doctor says, or what the calendar says, or what I say! I do know that this...this right here...this wait...this is in God's wonderful plan and I don't need to fret about it.
We are very anxious to meet her and just waiting for the call and we know everyone else is waiting for our call. We are so appreciative of everyone's support and we love the excitement and will gladly fuel that fire with more information as soon as we have news to pass on! As of right now, we don't have any pertinent news to share but when we do it will be that we have a baby! So look out for our text, call or Facebook updates!
Here's to hoping the next post includes pictures of the five of us! (Lola and Faye...hello!!)
Friday, September 7, 2012
There You Are
God is good, He is so, so good.
I want to cherish the memories I have of these past several days.
I want to hold them deep in my heart.
I want to let my soul dance with them.
We have been chosen to receive a beautiful gift from God; a daughter, debuting very soon!
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